Pardon my french..

But I'm really really P*SSED OFF! Not only was 100% with my meals last week and worked really hard for a good loss but I felt really positive walking to weigh in thinking I had done enough and I was so excited to stand on the scales. I regret being so positive, I gained 2lb. I stood and spoke to my consultant and I cried my eyes out, I was still sobbing when I walked home. I know I'm due on because my back is being a killer and my boobs feel like somebody has been using them as punch bags, so yeah Aunt Flo is due her rounds. I still didn't expect to gain because of how well I did the previous week with my food. I'm gonna carry on with what I did the week before because I know I hadn't ate anything wrong. This time I'm going to do it without having Mini Light Babybels as my HEA, cheese seems to let me down every time, I don't think it agrees with my body. I literally felt awful last night, I just had a big melt down but yet again Ashley gave me a huge pick me up. I really don't know what I'd do without his support. Next week the gain will be gone and some! I'm not letting this set back ruin my journey. Every journey has bumps in the road, but as my consultant said I need to think of all the other achievements I've gained. This time last year I'd have never dreamed of going outside, going to a roller disco, having a boyfriend, applying for college, fitting into a size 16! I need to stop letting the number on the scales define who I am, because it won't help it will just make me feel worse. I've ordered myself a couple of bath bombs and shower gel from Lush to make myself feel better. Here's to a new week, I've still got my positive head on and I will get what I deserve next week!

Weigh day!

Last week was one of the easiest 100% on plan weeks I've ever had. Now I don't know if that was down to the Salmon fillets or the tasty steam veg bags but it was an easy week. I'm feeling positive (I say that most weeks and end up with a fat gain) but I am nervous because I really want to work towards my 9 stone award because I did have a mini target of my 10 stone award for my birthday in June but 9.5 stone I will be happy with too. I've done quite a fair bit of body magic too, Me and Ashley were invited to a Roller Disco on Saturday night. OMG! I've never had so much fun in all my life. Okay so putting a pair of skates on and trying to skate in doors is a lot harder now than it was when I was 10 years old and using my skates so I could reach the tap on the kitchen sink and the cupboards. But once I got over the 'I can't move, I'm actually going to fall' phase, it was so much fun. We never fell once! But we did look like Bambi on ice for the first half an hour. We skated for 1hr 40mins without sitting down! Safe to say we were knackered when we got back and slept like a pair of babies. I can't wait to do it again, I was so nervous about going but everybody we spoke to were so lovely. The music was pretty awesome too! We got confident enough to join the track with everybody else too, we went around twice before I nearly fell and almost nearly knocked somebody else over too, oops. Ashley wants to take me ice skating next, he can keep wanting! I've tried it before and was so scared, I gave up after 10 minutes. So yeah, hopefully the body magic will contribute towards my great food choices. I won't find out until 7pm so still a long day a head of me. I decided not to get the Cath Kidston bag as my treat because I wanted to make sure I actually get into college first. But I did get myself a lovely Indian style top from New Look and some more pretty frilly socks. Ashley isn't here now until Sunday evening which sucks major ass :-( The weekend always goes so fast, but it means we can watch Game of Thrones together instead of having to watch it then talk about it on FaceTime. Yes we do that! We have GoT dates!

If you are weighing in today/tonight too, good luck! Hope you all have the results you deserve.

It's crazy how we finish each others.. SANDWICHES!

The title of this post has no relevance to the post it's self but that's okay. Everybody loves Frozen. Tonight (well since its 1 in the morning, last night) I lost 1lb at weigh in, after threating all weekend because Ashley's scales said I had gained. I'm banned from using them ever again and I have told Ashley he is to bash me over the head with them if I dare stand on them again. That 1lb was vital tonight as I now have just earned my Easter goal of 8 and a half stone. It's Easter Monday so it still counts. I was over the moon to see that 1lb gone when I stepped on the scales, I was ready to cry. I text Ashley straight away to tell him the great news and it was lovely to hear him say how proud of me he is. He's the reason I've carried on with my journey and he makes it easier for me to stick to the plan, he doesn't try and sabotage it. He's my biggest motivation, it's not the pretty Cath Kidston dress I want when I get to target it's the being the girlfriend Ashley deserves that makes me more determined. I know that may sound stupid to some people but we all have our reasons for carrying on. I'm hoping for another good loss next Monday, I'm doing some awesome body magic in the form of a Roller Disco next Saturday night so that should burn some calories! I'm super excited, I've not stopped mentioning it since last week! Not to sound catty but I've been feeling a little frustrated this past few weeks, there are people like myself that stick to the plan and don't get the results that they want but there are people that sabotage themselves and still get losses and I just can't help but think what is the point? It's started getting on my wick and I know it's not just me getting frustrated. But hey ho, what can you do?! As my treat for getting my 8 and a half stone award I'm getting myself a beautiful Cath Kidston backpack at the weekend!

I hope you all get the losses you deserve this week. Good luck!

I feel like I'm going backwards instead of forwards.

Sorry I didn't blog last weeks weigh in, I've been enjoying a lovely week with Ashley. On plan of course! Enjoying all the sunshine we've had, but I'm back home now :(

Last Monday I maintained at weigh in, I was really upset about it because I only needed to lose 1lb for my next award. So I didn't let it dampen my week I stayed on plan and carried on eating the correct things, no chocolate past my lips this weekend either! I've even drank a lot of water instead of fizzy pop. But I did the stupid thing of weighing myself on Ashley's scales this weekend to be told that I've gained weight. Obviously I'm devastated by this, his scales are wrong but never normally as wrong so even if they are I've possibly still gained. I don't understand why, I've done nothing to deserve a gain. I feel like I'm going backwards instead of forwards, I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm sticking to the plan and getting nothing back from it and it's making me feel like giving up. I know if I give up the 8 stone I have lost will have been for nothing so I don't want to chuck it all away. I'm scared that I'm nothing going to be able to lose anymore weight and I'll be stuck here forever. I'm still not comfortable in my own skin so I want to be at least 2 stone lighter for if I get into college in September which I've now applied for, I'm just waiting to hear back. I know everybody has their ups and downs on their weight loss journey but I appear to be having more downs lately. I'm hoping when I go to weigh in tonight it won't be the bad news I was expecting but some good news. Keep everything crossed for me. I have a new comparison picture, which I needed for motivation so I don't give up.

If you are being weighed today, good luck!

Keeping busy.

So I really had no idea what to do with myself yesterday, today and probably won't tomorrow. I'm not seeing Ashley until Monday morning and it's been hard. I've been getting quite upset with myself the past couple of days and I really don't know why. It's frustrating and it's a constant battle with the mind. I've tried keeping busy, yesterday I cleaned my room and did my washing (still have a bit of tidying to do). Today I've got up had my breakfast, watched Adventure Time, marinated the lamb for tonight's Lamb Vindaloo. Now I'm stuck again, so I thought I'd blog to pass some time. I'm really hoping today and tomorrow fly by. I'm going to decide what I want for dinner soon too, I have no idea what to make. I was going to make more curry loaf muffins but I think since I'm making a really hot curry tonight it wouldn't be fair on my poor bottom. I've been worrying myself quite a lot about Monday's weigh in, I desperately need this pound for my 8 and a half stone award. I don't want to be kicked in the teeth with another gain. It's the last chance to meet my Easter goal since it is Easter next Sunday. I've had most of my syns this week too, I normally only use a little amount but I even had the full 15 on Wednesday. I hope this doesn't effect me or I will actually shed tears on the scales. Fingers crossed, I shall post my results on my Instagram/Twitter on Monday night and then I will blog about it during the week if I get time to pick up the laptop.

Hope you are all having a lovely weekend. The sun seems to have disappeared my end!

Pesky pound!

The weigh in results are in guys and dolls! I lost 2.5lb, I was super happy about that it now means I have to lose 1lb to get my 8 and a half stone award and I'm going to work my not so little bum off this week so it will be mine next Monday! I've planned all the meals up until next Tuesday and we go shopping tomorrow morning. I'm making quite a few new things this week, well newish. I upload all my meal pictures to Instagram anyway so you can have a look. But yeah, my Easter goal needs to be met by next Sunday so Monday is my only chance to get my 8.5 stone for Easter. So keep everything crossed for me. I'm currently sat eating half a packet of strawberry Chewits (6 syns for a full pack and you get 10 in them). I can't help but feel disappointed at how strange they taste now, I've gone off strawberry flavored stuff especially Mullerlights, I really don't know why, they taste horrid. But I still love strawberries. Strange! I've been with Ashley 9 month today, can't believe it 3 month time I'll have been with him for a whole year. It's been incredible, he's my rock and my best friend. It's lovely how much praise he gives me with losing weight and how proud he is, it encourages me to carry on. Most people when they become comfortable with somebody and fall in love decide to just let go and stop losing weight because they are happy. But my happiness didn't exist because I wasn't happy with myself but meeting Ashley has made me more determined to keep going, I want him to have a girlfriend he can show off and be proud of. I don't want him to be embarrassed with a baby elephant that covers her face in make up to hide. (I know he doesn't think this but I do). I'm applying for my college course next week, I'm so scared but excited at the same time. I hope they ask me to come in for an interview as I need this. This is the only chance I have left at improving my life and pushing my mental health a side. I will always be battling my demons but as long as push myself to achieve what I want to do then I know the battle will get a lot easier.

The sad news of Peaches Geldof dieing at the of 25 made me so sad yesterday. That is no age to die, especially leaving behind 2 baby boys. It really does make you think about things differently, I feel selfish that when I was going through the harder stages of my mental health I considered taking my own life numerous of times. I cut and cut hoping it would do something, but you never quite think how it will actually effect other peoples lives if you did take your own life. My heart goes out to her family at this sad time.

Game of Thrones started back last night and OMG what an episode! It was so worth the year of excitement and waiting. I won't put any spoilers on just in case you haven't got around to watching it yet but Arya Stark is a complete bad ass!

I hope you all have a wonderful week and good luck if you are stepping on the scales!

Why can't I be normal?!

This weekend has tested me so much, I forgot my tablets and I was at Ashley's for the weekend. When I've not had them you can tell because I'm moody and I cry at nothing. Also panic sets in over nothing. So I think I've probably drove Ashley up the wall, but he won't admit it. He's so good with me when I'm upset etc, I don't know how he puts up with me at times. I wish I was normal and not mentally unstable sometimes because then maybe I'd make people a lot happier. Other than the emotional meltdowns I've had, the weekend has been lovely. Ashley and his sister gave me a driving lesson at half 9 at night on an empty car park full of cones. I can reverse a car!!! It was rather fun even if I did nearly hit a cone. I stuck to Slimming World 100% too, I always do at his house because we take over the kitchen Friday and Saturday night. We made an Easy Chicken Dopiaza Curry and yellow rice on Friday night which was yummy. Saturday night we made Fake KFC style chicken, skinny fries and BBQ baked beans, it was magical! It tasted better than KFC because it wasn't dripping with grease. I'm back home now and it's weigh in tonight, I'm nervous because I really want my 8.5 stone award and I need to lose 3.5lb for that. I weighed myself on Ashley's scales (I know I shouldn't) his scales are always 2lb heavier than the Slimming Worlds scales so if it's right I've lost 4lb but I'm not gonna hold my breath. But fingers crossed it's a positive and not a negative result! I'm not seeing Ashley until a week today now which is quite sad but I see him for a week when I do see him next which makes me happy!

For all you Monday weighers good luck! And good luck for the week a head. I'll post my weigh in results tomorrow, Game of Thrones starts tonight so I'll be watching that instead haha.

Do you wanna build a snowman?

Or ride our bikes around the hallllllllll....

Okay, I was extremely jealous seeing everybody had purchased Frozen on DVD when it came out on Monday so I had to go and get it. I absolutely adored the film when I went to watch it at the cinema with Ashley. Now I can watch it when ever I want, which I can guarantee will be a lot. I'm driving my little brother potty with the snowman song already. I'm taking the DVD with me to Ashley's on Friday so we can watch it over the weekend and I'll probably drive him potty with the songs too. I drove him potty when we went to watch the Lego movie because I had the 'Everything is awesome' song stuck in my head. I've just downloaded the Frozen soundtrack too for my train journey! My mum and brother watched the film for the first time and they really enjoyed it, we all love Olaf! (Olaf is the snowman). I made curry loaf in cupcake form and we had them as a snack along with a hot chocolate whilst we watched it. I've not loved a film this much since Toy Story and Finding Nemo. I've only had 3 syns today which is rather good! Lets hope all this hard work pays off for Monday, I'm not going to jinx myself though.

Hope you are all having a good week!

I've got that Monday night, Monday night sadness.

I was feeling ever so positive about last nights weigh-in and felt like I'd done enough to get my 2lb loss. I was so nervous stepping onto the scales and what made it even worse was I gained 1.5lb, I was absolutely devastated and extremely angry. Not only did I turn down KFC at weekend and have jacket potato and beans but I had been 100% on plan all week. But it's made me more determined than ever! I knew it was coming because I had a good loss last week and my weight has started going up and down for some strange reason, it's possibly because I'm a lot lighter than I was at the start. Next week will be my week I hope! I need 3.5lb for my 8 and a half stone award, I'm determined to get it. I actually don't know what it is that could have made me gain this week so I'm just going to put it down as one of those things. I'm going to exercise more this week, because I normally get good losses after peddling my bottom off on the exercise bike. I need to look at it this way I've lost over 8 stone and I'm not always going to lose. I'm going to up my super free, even though I eat a hell of a lot of it already. So watch this space! I normally have an awesome loss after staying at Ashley's over the weekend so fingers and toes crossed it happens on Monday. I want April to start with a loss not another gain.

Hope you all have a great week and have a success at weigh in.