I finally have some sort of confidence, wow.

 

So lately I seem to have found some confidence, it's strange because it's something I've never had before. I was unaware of this confidence until I tried a dress on in George (Asda) and decided I will wear it without tights and I did just that! I also purchased a pair of shorts, but not so confident to wear them yet but I will eventually, I did wear them to weigh in on Monday night though. I think the fact I'm finally able to go out now and I'm at the point where I think 'why should I care about what other people think about me?' is just crazy. I was forever hiding, staying in doors away from 'the big bad world' because I was so scared of all the negativity going on in my life. I remember when I had lost 3st on Slimming World, fair enough I was still really big but when I had people still shouting horrible comments from their car windows it really knocked me back and the confidence I was gaining from doing so well took a back seat. Today I went food shopping with my mum and we called into the newsagents to put the lottery on first and the man that owns the shop is lovely he always smiles at me and says hello but today he actually said to me "You've lost a lot of weight and you have such a beautiful face and figure now" not only did I go bright red but I felt so good about myself because somebody had been paying attention to me that didn't even know me but he had seen how much I have lost and when I told him that I have lost nearly 9 and a half stone he said "That's amazing". It's little things like that, that make me much happier going out now because it shows that people aren't always going to throw negative comments at me anymore and I'm learning that it is okay to accept compliments no matter how much I doubt myself. I still go red when Ashley says something nice to me, I'm not very good at accepting compliments because they are new to me. People on Instagram are wonderful confidence boosters, I don't mean that to sound pig headed (I apologise if it does) but when people leave me such lovely comments on my pictures it makes me feel good about myself because it's positive stuff and not negative stuff. I'm finally getting somewhere now, this wasn't just a journey to change the way I looked but it was also a journey to help with my mental state. I think I'm doing rather well with that too.

My anxiety has been terrible for as long as I can remember and on Tuesday evening it got tested quite a lot. Myself and Ashley went to watch the new planet of the apes film and a group of young boys sat behind us, they made me angry all the way through the film which probably contributed to me not enjoying the film. They were making noises, throwing popcorn and the most irritating thing of them all kicking my chair. I could feel my chest getting tight and I knew I was going to have a panic attack but I sat and slowed my breathing I thought about getting up and walking out so many times but I didn't. That was the first time I have ever been able to control my panic attacks, I was still very shaky when we left the cinema and then I explained it to Ashley who of course kept apologising like a sausage but it wasn't his fault we were sat in front of silly immature boys. I have so much to thank Ashley for, if it wasn't for him my mental state would still be so bad. I've managed to do so much and be so happy because of him. I don't know where I'd be without him now but I know I never want to find that out.

I lost 1lb at weigh in on Monday which of course was going to happen because I was 2lb away from my next award. It always happens when I'm so close, so hopefully I'll have that next Monday. We have exactly 4 weeks until Leeds Fest now and I want to be in my 13's by then as I know that I'm not going to be able to make the best choices when I'm there but I want to be able to enjoy myself and then get back on track after it. I'm not going to be so strict on myself because this is the first festival I've ever been to and I want to enjoy myself without worrying about what I'm eating and drinking.

This week I'm going to do 2 days extra easy and 4 days red just to mix it up a little, plus I'm going to the gym Sunday night with Ashley. Hopefully Monday will be the bearer of good news!

I hope you all have a fantastic week and have amazing losses!

Will I finally get my next award?

So it's almost Monday and I'm only 2lb away from next award. I've done another week on the Original plan (Red days), I'm hoping that it's helped me get that 2lb so I can finally have my next award as I really want to be closer to the next stone bracket too. I so badly want to see the 13's, the amount of sweating I've done this week because of the sunshine should help also! I have done a lot of sun worshiping this week, the weather has been incredible. I've burnt quite a lot! Hoping I will have some form of tan in the next few days .. who am I kidding I never tan. The rain has currently made an appearance to cool the place down but I'm hoping Mr Sunshine will make an appearance again tomorrow. Ashley will be here tomorrow too once he's finished work which I'm really looking forward to. Nothing beats lots of cuddles, I've missed a hell of a lot. On Monday after weigh in we are going to the cinema to watch the new planet of the apes film, we was planning on seeing guardians of the galaxy but I then realised it's actually not out until Thursday, oops. So that's a next week job! On Tuesday we are taking a Slimming World picnic to Southport Beach, really looking forward to that too! Hopefully we will have good weather.

The puppies are now 3 weeks old and are trying to walk, this is where the fun begins!

I hope you all have had a great week and are enjoying the beautiful weather.

I now officially swear by the original plan.

Red days clearly work, I think being on the Extra Easy plan since the start had become comfort for my body so it didn't care how much rice, potatoes, pasta etc I was consuming. This meant I'd eat as much as I wanted because it was free food and I'd end up eating that much that I'd be bloated and possibly gain weight. I've missed having them sometimes but it hasn't bothered me to the point where I've caved. Red days are having a positive out come for me, I no longer feel bloated and crappy! Best of all I've not been gaining either. I've trialed two weeks on the original plan and I've had good losses both weeks. At weigh in tonight I lost 2.5lb which makes me now 14st 6lb, I'm 2lb away from my 9.5 stone award! I'm so excited. I'm doing another week of red days to help me get it next week! Keep your fingers firmly crossed for me.

I had an amazing weekend! Saturday me and Ashley went to our first ever Comic Con! We waited for 2 hours in the pouring down rain to get inside and we were soaked from head to toe but it was all worth it once inside! I've never seen anything like it, so many awesome costumes/stalls! The atmosphere was incredible. Next time I'm dressing up! I will go as an Adventure Time character. I purchased quite a few Adventure Time bits including 5 prints for my wall. On Sunday we decided to take a unplanned trip to the cinema to watch 'How to train your dragon 2' it was amazing! I loved it just as much as I loved the first one. I was so happy that it wasn't a flop as the first one was so awesome. I felt like a child all the way through I was letting out 'WOW' 'WOAHHH' 'AWWWWW' 'NOO' and at one point I even cried :'( I won't put any spoilers in but yes I cried at an animated film, it's not the first time and it won't be the last!

Counseling on Thursday then I only have one more appointment after that then I'm done with it forever (hopefully). Then my new life starts in September. I'm feeling all kinds of emotions about it! Happy, scared, nervous, excited but I'm going to make sure I enjoy my experience at college this time. I don't want to be put into the situation I was in last time. Being picked on at school then having to go through it again at college. I want this time to have a positive effect on me and not a negative.

I hope you all have a fab week and the scales are kind!  

Fail to plan, plan to fail!

So it's Tuesday morning and I've already done the tea menu for the week and the shopping list. I'm doing red days again because they were a success at weigh in last night I lost 2lb. I was over the moon because I'm now back on track, the 1.5lb I had left of my gain to lose has gone plus an extra half a pound. I now weigh 14st 8.5lb which is the lowest I've ever been, I'm 4.5lb away from my 9 and a half stone award. So hopefully I'll have lost a bit of the 4.5lb maybe 3lb on Monday. I'm hoping mother nature appears this week to help me out a bit.

This weeks menu consists of -

Wednesday - Grilled gammon steaks with tomatoes and herb mash. (The mash is made from swede). This meal can be found in the 50 free original day recipe book on page 106.
Thursday - Beefed up burgers on HEB roll and salad, everybody else will be having Slimming World chips. This meal can be found in the 50 free original day recipe book on page 98.
Friday - Salmon fillets, pak-choi, spring onions, chilli and garlic (this is just for me and Ashley because he gets to mine late on a Friday, everybody else is having jerk chicken and Caribbean rice).
Saturday - Thai style aromatic chicken stir-fry. It only takes 30 minutes to cook and can be found again in the 50 free original day recipe book on page 52.
Sunday - Chicken roast, minus the potatoes for me.
Will be using syns on gravy and a Yorkshire pudding though.
Monday - Mexican Burritos using chicken (this will be a treat as its after weigh in)
Cheese on top will be healthy extra though so not so bad its just the wraps that are syns.
Tuesday - Sweet and sour chicken and pak-choi. 30 minutes marinating time but still a low cooking time. This meal can be found in the 50 free original day recipe book on page 57.

I'm looking forward to making all of this. Simple but yummy!
I'm off to the Chinese supermarket this afternoon to pick up some goodies, I love it there!

Hope you all have a great week and have great results, we've got this! :)

weigh day, feeling horrid and changes.

So today is the day I dread every week, weigh day! But today I'm actually excited to see how red days have had an effect on my weight loss, whether there is any loss at all, fingers crossed! I weigh in at 7pm so it is a long ass wait. So far today I've had 40g of Crunchy bran, 2 yogurts and raspberries for my breakfast and for dinner/lunch I'm having salmon and some salad. I'm hoping cutting rice, potatoes and pasta out has helped me because I don't feel bloated at all even though star week still hasn't happened. I'm starting to think mother nature hates me this month, she will arrive soon.

Looking in the mirror lately I've not been very happy, to me I feel and look as if I've put weight on and not lost it. I feel ugly and really self conscious and I really don't know why. My hair is bugging me too, I completely ballsed up the dip dye its in a straight line so going over it during the week with a new dye but keeping the dip dye just making it look a lot better and maybe lightening it. It's hard when you don't know a hairdresser or live near a good salon! So I can't see the back when I'm doing it, 2 years of doing hair at college and I still haven't mastered the back ha ha. But I shall sort it so I'm happy with it.

On Saturday night, instead of sitting it watching crap on TV or going to the cinema myself and Ashley decided to head to the gym. I've not been in years and when I did go I was 24st and didn't do much I'd just give up. So going with Ashley was really good, it was something we hadn't done together yet either. I was a bit worried I'd look stupid at first but we went at half 8 and the gym was dead so I felt a little better. Ashley was running for gold on the treadmill and I really wanted to do the same so I decided to give it a go, baring in mind I can't run to save my life. I did it though and I was so proud it was only for a minute each time but it was still something! I was on the treadmill for 65minutes and I didn't stop once. I walked for just over 6km (3miles), it said I'd burnt 355 calories but I think it could have possibly have been more. Either way I'm really proud of myself and Ashley was proud of me too. I'm hoping we go again soon.

Saturday morning we went raspberry picking whilst I was at Ashley's it was so much fun! We collected a hell of a lot and they were so tasty. I really can't wait for next weekend, we are going to Manchester Comic Con and after seeing the pictures from the London Film and Comic Con we are planning to go there next year.

I'm enrolling on my Maths course this week, I didn't make it on to the actual GCSE course because my Maths was so bad. But I am on the Pre-GCSE Maths entry 3 course .. I don't actually know what that is. I shall find out on Thursday. I enroll on my Early Years Education course in 2 weeks time I'm excited to start.

Good luck to all you Monday weighers and good luck to everybody for the week a head. Hope the scales are kind.

One pound and red days

So on Monday night at weigh I only lost 1lb, mother nature hasn't arrived yet and no I'm not pregnant ha ha! I just have irregular periods they show up when I least expect it and it's not my favourite of surprises I can assure you. Yes I'm moaning about losing a pound, I wouldn't normally but since I have gained 2.5lb in the past couple of weeks I was really disappointed because I was 110% on plan. So that means I have 1.5lb of my gain to lose, as a result in that this week I'm attempting to do red days (the original plan). This means no potatoes, rice, baked beans, peas, pasta etc etc, today is my first day following the original plan as I've been an extra easy girl since I started ;) I can't believe how full I am even though I'm not eating potatoes, rice or pasta. It's amazing, I've been eating lots of fish and vegetables today. Not gonna lie the fact I get two healthy extra B choices makes me all excited! I'm not too fussed about the healthy extra A choices, I only tend to have a bit of milk anyway. I may chance it and have some cheese at one point but I don't want to gain :( today I've had..

Breakfast - 40g of Weetabix Crunchy Bran (B), a bit of Milk (A) and a banana.
Because I had breakfast quite early I then decided to have 2 boiled eggs around 10am.
Dinner or Lunch for you posh people - Salmon fillet, green and orange peppers, a few jumbo king prawns and 1 tbsp of sweet chilli sauce (1.5syns).
Tea - Panga fillet (more fish), butternut squash roasted, swede, carrots and 1 tbsp of sweet chilli sauce (1.5syns).
Pudding/Dessert - 1 Shape 0% Raspberry yogurt and an Asda Chosen By You Vitality Banoffee bar (B).

I still have syns I can use so I may have a cup of tea later and a packet of mini oreos (6syns) this will take me to 9syns but I'm happy with that. Fingers crossed these red days will give me a great surprise on the scales on Monday and stop me from feeling so bloated.

On Monday night after weigh in me and Ashley went to TGI Fridays it was lovely, I had a few cocktails and was slightly drunk ha ha. Tuesday morning I woke Ashley up at 10 past 8 just so I could give him his card and present, don't think he was impressed but that changed as soon as he seen that I got him a Lego DeLorean. He's under strict instructions that he isn't allowed to build it until Friday when I'm there so I can help. Ashley spoilt me rotten, he got me a beautiful heart pandora charm with Happy Anniversary on it. He also spoilt me in Mac at the Trafford Centre, and I have a present at his house! I felt a bit rotten just getting him Lego after that :( ha ha. We've been together a whole year now and I couldn't be anymore happier, we spent the day at the Trafford Centre and went and played mini golf which was so much fun and I beat Ashley! I won't let him forget that ha ha.

I hope you are all having a good week and the scales are kind to you.
Lots of love x

Puppies and weigh in nerves

So on Thursday night Luna my long haired Chihuahua went into labor, she gave birth to 3 beautiful puppies, 2 girls and 1 boy. I was extremely proud of her because normally during birth she is useless and won't do anything for herself but this time she actually helped. My mum delivered them and cut the cords and all 3 of them are beautiful and healthy. So exciting to think that they will be running around in a few weeks time and I can't wait! Luna has never had more than a litter of 2 so this was lovely to see that she had 3. Her being pregnant wasn't meant to happen again this year because she had already had a litter in January but being stuck once got her pregnant anyway but the main thing is she and puppies are all healthy and happy, so that's all that matters.

After gaining for the last 2 weeks at Slimming World I've been quite upset but I still stuck to plan 100% this week so I'm hoping I'll have the 2.5lb gain off and more. I've worked so hard I just hope it isn't another gain or I'll be deeply upset. I am really nervous this week because I genuinely don't know what to expect. After weigh in me and Ashley are heading out to TGI Friday's for tea because on Tuesday we've been together a year so going out on the Monday instead. I can't believe it's been a whole year and he's not managed to kill me yet, he's a complete gem for putting up with me!

I hope you all have a great week on plan and the scales are kind to you on your weigh days.

HAPPY 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO ME!

So today is my Slimming World 2 year anniversary, on the 2nd of July 2012 I walked through those doors of the Harpurhey Slimming World group run by Joanne and I've never looked back. To celebrate my 2 year anniversary I decided I would brave it and do a question and answer video, I've never filmed a video in my life and it must have taken me 5 attempts before I was happy with it. Excuse the state of my hair but here it is... ENJOY....