Pushing forward, tears and nerves.

This weekend has made me realise a lot about myself as a person. I put other people before myself all the time, now it's time for me to put myself first. I was dreading college but now I'm not, me and Ashley are going to the college during his week off in 2 weeks time so I can get more information about the course and what I need to do. I can start applying now for a place in September so hopefully I will get on the course as I really want this. I cried puddles yesterday because my dad noticed my aunty Sonya's (who past away in February) Facebook page had been deactivated, this was the only place I could go to talk to her when I wanted to tell her something (as silly as it sounds). My uncle has deactivated it after promising that he wouldn't, broken promises hurt a lot. It's really upset me and I'm so angry because that one place has been taken away from me. Hopefully he will reactivate it! I'm really missing Ashley, he only left less than 24 hours ago but I still miss him. Not seeing him until Friday but we have a thing where we cancel out days so it goes a lot faster and it actually works haha. Like today is technically Monday but to us it's now Tuesday which means it's only 2 days until I see him. I'm in Stoke from Friday evening, can't wait to see Dave and squidge him. (Dave is Ashley's chihuahua, Luna's puppy). This weekend went far too fast.

I'm so nervous about tonight's weigh in, I really hope I've done enough for the 2lb loss I need for my 8.5stone award. It was one of my March goals and since it's the last day of March it would be a nice little send off into April. If not I still have until 20th April to get it. Fingers and toes crossed I do get it, it will cheer me up. I'm going to try and stay positive until 7pm! Good luck if you are too being weighed tonight.

Random thoughts of positivity..

So today my mum mentioned something she had noticed with me and it made me realise how far I've actually come since being diagnosed with depression and anxiety. She mentioned that normally I'd avoid main roads and now I walk down them without even thinking about it. For me this was a big thing because I hated the thought of people driving past and staring at me or even worse shouting abuse from their car windows (which happened quite a lot). It just proves how much losing weight is helping me, my confidence is slowly blossoming and it feels amazing. I still constantly battle with my thoughts when I'm outside, like when I go shopping with Ashley and people glance at me. I automatically go into panic mood of thinking "What will they be thinking about me?".. "They probably think I'm a fat pig and ugly".. "They can see the hairs on my neck".. Things like this are the things that make me shy away from socialising environments. I need to train my mind to think positive thoughts instead of negative all the time but it really is hard. I also mentioned to my mum that I'm terrified of starting college in September even though it's something I really want to do. I'm terrified I won't make any friends and I'll spend the 2 years on my own. I've not had any real friends in a long time, so it's going to be a big step for me. I know I can do it and I know not everybody is going to like me but that's life. I have just under 7 months to prepare myself, I refuse to back out last minute because I'm scared. I also have to get on to the course first!

I'm really looking forward to this weekend, Ashley is on his way here as I'm typing this post. We are going to the cinema Saturday afternoon to watch the new Captain America film, as I promised my not so little brother (he's taller than me) that I'd take him for his birthday which was last Saturday. I'm also getting my Pandora bracelet back that had been sent off for repair 5/6 weeks ago. I'm also possibly getting a new iPhone! My current iPhone is a piece of poo. I've had a great week on Slimming World, so hopefully it will show on Monday. I'm praying I've lost 2lb but if not there's always the week after.

I hope you all enjoy your weekends with whatever you are doing.

Star week and a shock at weigh in.

I wasn't looking forward to weigh in this week, it was star week and I felt like I'd ate everything in sight. I hadn't, I was eating free foods and superfree foods. Star week means time of the month for those of you that don't know what it means, it's just a polite way of saying the painter and decorators are in haha. SORRY! But anyway back to it, I went to weigh in on Monday night in hope that I'd lose 1lb because I didn't feel any lighter, I just felt bloated and crap. I stood on the scales and was shocked when I was told I'd lost 3.5lb as I really wasn't expecting it. I'm now 2lb away from my Easter goal of 8 and a half stone, Easter isn't until 20th April! It's exciting to think I've managed to get there quicker than I thought I would. I'm hoping for another good week this week and hopefully will shift the 2lb for my new shiny sticker. I'm not going to bank on it though because normally when I have such a good loss I gain the week after but I shall try my hardest. I purchased the new Slimming World magazine at group, I'm really happy with this months! It has so many different recipes and they all look incredible. I'm going to have a good read of the success stories as well, they keep me motivated. I'm hoping one day I will be in that magazine. 5st 6lb to shift now, that's if I don't decide to have my ideal target weight higher or lower. I'm not sure yet but 10 stone seems reasonable for now. My target is my happiness.

Review: Mullerlight Banoffee Pie and Apple Pie yogurts.

I was super excited when I saw that Muller were releasing new yogurts in the Mullerlight range, especially since they were dessert ones. I found them in my local Asda on offer £2 for a pack of 6. Unfortunately I couldn't find the new cheesecake ones, but I'll keep looking. I think both of these yogurts have an acquired taste, they both have cake pieces in them and fruit. The Banoffee Pie one is my favourite, it wasn't disappointing at all. The bits of banana and cake make it taste like you are eating an actual piece of Banoffee Pie. The Apple Pie one was my least favourite, it had a strange taste to it and I wasn't a big fan. I love Apple Pie so was hoping this would be nice like the Banoffee but it wasn't. It had apple chunks and cake pieces too but I just couldn't get past the strange taste. At 1 syn a pot, I'd say the Banoffee Pie flavour is worth it but the Apple Pie flavour isn't. Also they are not Gluten Free. The packaging is lovely, I love the whole bunting on the front it's rather cute. I won't be in a rush to buy them again unless the Banoffee Pie flavour is released as a single pot (which I doubt).

Have you tried both of the flavours? Which is your favourite and your least favourite?

Drum roll please...

And the weigh in results from last night are in...... I lost 2lb! Rather happy with that, not only have I got my 8 stone award back but I've lost an extra 1.5lb to go with it. Hopefully this week I can get rid of this pesky cough & cold and tackle another 2lb next Monday night. I'm currently 5.5lb away from my Easter target of a 8.5stone loss, if I put my mind to it I know I can and I will do it. Easter is currently 4 weeks away which is plenty of time I think. Good luck for your weigh in's this week!

Last week I told you all Ashley was cooking for me, dun dun dunnnnnnnn. I'm actually rather proud of him, everything was cooked and it was all incredible. When we had been together just over a month he cooked me tea at his uni flat, it didn't go so well. He excelled himself this time though, we had Salmon fillets cooked in lemon juice with chilli flakes on a bed of pak choi, mangetout and peppers on the side with rice mixed with spring onions and red chilli. I didn't help once, instead I sat and watched Gravity with his dad haha. For dessert he made something out of my slimming world book, I can't quite remember the name but I thought it was yummy, Ashley didn't. Pictures to follow! I will make a Gordon Ramsey out of him yet. (Ashley if you are a reading this don't kill me :P)

Hope you all have a lovely week.

Weigh-in jitters!

So today is Monday which means at 7pm it's that time again, weigh in. I'm super worried this week as I've been really poorly since Friday, so had to have a quite a bit of cold & flu tablets. I've stuck to plan 100% though so I don't see how I can't achieve a loss tonight. Even half a pound which will get me back my 8 stone award will do me because then I'm back on track. I'm just worried that I'll get another disappointing gain, I feel shocking as it is so I'll probably end up crying if that was the case. Fingers crossed it goes the right way and not the wrong way. I'll post the outcome on my instagram later and I'll do a post on here either tonight or tomorrow. I've gave my blog a little face lift, I think it looks quite nice (it probably looks a bit shit). The past 2 weeks have been ever so lovely spending so much time with Ashley but now I don't see him until Sunday night when he comes to pick up Dave and myself because he's working the weekend. I miss him a stupid amount already, it will fly by though it always does. Easter is dawning upon us ladies and gents, I struggle at Easter. So much chocolate and hot cross buns about. Hoping I will have my 8 and a half stone award by the time April finishes, so I may get myself an Easter Egg and keep it until I have got that award and then eat it. Only maybe though!

Hope you have all had a good weekend and if you are getting weighed as well tonight good luck!

Greatest Loser 2014

So on Monday I received Slimming World's Greatest Loser 2014, to say I'm over the moon would be an understatement to be quite honest. I was quite shy about it all because the group has become huge since I last stayed. Ashley came in to the group to show moral support which was lovely! I lost 1.5lb as well not the 2lb gain but it wasn't bad, I was quite gutted mind but there is always next week. I'm in Stoke until Friday so I like to think I have more self control when I'm with Ashley because we try different recipes for tea etc. So hopefully next Monday will be a good weigh in for me.

I've had quite an emotional day today, I don't know why but the littlest thing has sent me to tears. I feel shit in everything I wear lately because I feel so frumpy and everything is getting too big but there isn't any point buying new clothes because they just get too big again. I just feel shit, Ashley told me I looked lovely but I don't agree in the slightest. It sucks feeling so shit but I just can't get out of it. I got some new tops to make me feel better but I doubt it will last. Ashley's cooking tea tonight, don't exactly know what he's making but it involves Salmon fillets and lots of super free, he's a good egg! He's also making desert, winner winner! We are also going to get a new car tomorrow, road trip! Hope you are all having a good week, I have my laptop at Ashley's so probably will post again this week. OH and before I go, if anybody is like me and has big interest in other peoples weight losses and follows Weight Loss Bitch on Facebook and Twitter, you will know how amazing and inspirational she is. Well she now follows me on Twitter, I was like a little fan girl! Rather awesome.

And so I cried into a tub of Ben & Jerry's.

So, if you are wondering how I did at weigh in on Monday then here it is. I couldn't help but get extremely upset and disheartened at the fact I had gained 2lb. I couldn't understand how this had happened, I had a really good week so was hoping for a 2lb loss not a 2lb gain! Ashley told me not to worry and it would be off next week, but it's so frustrating when you put your all in and don't get a good result but just a bad one. I'm not gonna lie and say I went home and was 100% because I wasn't, I had pepperoni on my slimming world pizza, I had white chocolate chip and maple pancakes topped with half a tub of Ben & Jerry's which I shared with Ashley. Then whilst watching Pulp Fiction ate a large bar of Dairy Milk Chocolate Golden Biscuit (I think that's what it's called). Yes I am a pig! But I was so upset I didn't actually give a hoot. I instantly regretted it when I felt extremely sick, but it's now out of my system and I've had a good day today. I even walked to Sainsburys with Ashley which is a 40 minute walk from my house and we walked back, knackering but worth it. It was lovely, made me realise how happy I am at the moment and how much I've started to smile and laugh again. He's a keeper! I'm really hoping I have a good loss on Monday I want my 8 stone award back, I'm sad that's gone again but I've not gone out of the new stone bracket which is a relief. I think I've realised when I try new things I tend to gain weight because I'd eat them everyday, the week I had puffed wheat instead of my usual weetabix I gained half a pound so I went back to weetabix and lost 3.5lb the week after. Last week I had 2 cheese strings as my HEA most days instead of milk and I tried a new syn treat Oddities for 5.5 syns had them a few days and I gained 2lb so I don't know what it is with new things but they don't agree, so I'm going back to what I know. After weigh in next Monday I'm not having a pig out, and Ashley's cooking me dinner because we are driving to his after weigh in. I'm rather looking forward to the week a head.

Hope you all have a great slimming week and the scales are kinder to you than they was me!

Just a quickie..

Just a quick post whilst I'm waiting for Ashley to finish work and drive to Manchester (super excited ahhhhhh). It's weigh day tomorrow, which feels quite weird saying because my days are quite muddled up since Ashley didn't come on Friday. I'm hoping I've done enough for a good loss, I'd be extremely happy with a 2lb loss because I've been 100% everyday. I'm not so sure though because I had a really good loss last week, here's hoping I still lose. I'm now 7lb away from my Easter goal, I've taken it upon myself to set three mini goals for March (I know Easter is in April). My first goal was to get my 8.5 stone award, so any loss on Monday will contribute greatly to this goal. Since there is 5 weigh in days for me this month, I shall indeed smash this. The second goal was to drink more Green Tea and so far I've not even tried, OOPS! I will promise to have one today and tomorrow. My third and final goal to me is the hardest one, it's to be kind to myself. I'm always so negative and horrible to myself, I can never say anything nice. I'm going to try my hardest with it but I'm no miracle worker. I'm at 42nd Street on Thursday also, for those of you that don't know what it is, I basically see a Councillor there or I think they call it an Informal Support Worker. I haven't been since my aunt passed away nearly 4 weeks ago so I know it's going to be quite a hard session for me. I shall try and blog as much as I can in the next 2 weeks, but I will post my weigh in results during the week if not tomorrow night.

Hope you've all had a good week.