OH MY GLOB!

This weekend has been rather lovely! I went to Stoke on Friday evening to spend the weekend with Ashley. I've stuck to plan all week, I wrote everything down that had passed my lips. I even stuck to plan while being there for the weekend. On the Friday we made Tuna pizza's obviously Slimming World friendly and on Saturday we made Singapore Noodles from the Family Budget book. I tried two things this weekend that I've never tried before one being Salmon, WOW! It tastes amazing especially with vinegar and pepper added to it mmmmmm. I prefer it over Tuna now. The second thing I tried was Prawns, I had a phobia of trying them because I think they look like huge worms. Well like those bugs they make the celebrities eat on I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. BUT they wasn't what I expected, once I got past the way they looked I realised how good they actually taste. They taste like chicken! I'm a converted Prawn eater now, so much that I'm making the Singapore Noodles again on Wednesday. We also made the 15 syn Brownies on Sunday, I didn't manage to take a picture but I will next time I make them. They was really yummy, 15 syns for the whole lot but we cut it into six and put a quark mixed with options outrageous orange on the top and had a few strawberries on the side. Even Ashley's nan enjoyed them, she wanted to take me home!
The weather has been shocking this weekend the winds picked up and the rain wasn't going anywhere in a hurry. I hope you all stayed safe! Because I know it hit some places a lot worse.
I'm now the proud owner of a Moomin, myself and Ashley ventured into Waterstones in Hanley for a nosey and he got me one! Along with an Adventure Time graphic novel, he's the best!


 I got weighed tonight at Slimming World and my hard work paid off, after a week of writing everything down and sticking to the plan I lost 3lb which now brings me to a loss of 7st 5lb, I can't actually believe it. I'm hoping for a good loss again next week, so I'm going to repeat this week by writing everything down once more. Even if I just lose 2lb I'll be happy as that will get me my 7 and a half stone award. I also had a non scale victory today, I now fit into a size 16 pair of jeans! And they are not tight! I was a size 28 in jeans this time last year.

Hope you've all had a good day. Here are a few pictures relating to this post :)!

Ashley decided to post this on my Instagram after leaving my phone in his kitchen Friday night. He's so beautiful.

My Moomin and Adventure Time graphic novel from Waterstones!

We was watching Boardwalk Empire.

My weight loss tonight and so far.

Paddington Bear is a fashion icon.

Today I made a new comparison picture from before slimming world and now. It's amazing how much change you can see from those things, yet you don't actually feel that there is any change in reality. My mind is yet to catch up with all the change, it will eventually. I've also realised how much better my hair looks now it's shorter and darker. My feet keep shrinking too it's rather annoying as my newish converse are now really roomy! On the plus side I got a new coat on Wednesday because my biker jacket was not practical, it was super smelly when it got wet and it didn't keep me warm. I now have a duffel coat like Paddington Bear and I love it! I don't feel elephant sized in it either, which is always good. Yes I am incredibly short, last time I was measured I was 5'3 but I think I've shrunk which is quite worrying as I don't have much height on me to start with!

The coat is from George at Asda, it was £19 if you was wondering.

I'm super excited for January, me and Ashley are going to London for 5 days! I've never been to London before so it's going to be an awesome adventure. It'll be nice to spend some alone time with him too, away from everything. Going to London also means I can purchase a Pandora charm there as a souvenir! I can't wait to go on the London Eye, visit the Big Ben, Convent Gardens and the Tower of London etc. It's super exciting!

I'm also off to Stoke for the weekend tomorrow well technically now it's after midnight I'm going today! I do shit myself getting the train on my own but it's all worth it and the journey isn't really that long tbh.
I just can not wait to see Ash, this week has gone really fast for a change it normally drags and I'm normally pulling my hair out and crying by the Tuesday. But yeah, expect a post full of wonderful pictures and blabbering of my weekend in Stoke.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! TTFN.

I guess that's why they call it the blues..

Not feeling very chirpy today. My mood has flickered through out the day, it really annoys me. One minute I can be fine and the next I feel like the world is going to end. I'm currently sat watching Doc Martin wearing Moomin PJ's whilst huffing and puffing. It's a new day tomorrow, let's hope I don't feel so crappy.
I went to weigh in tonight at Slimming World I got weighed I had lost 1lb I wasn't pleased with that as I needed to lose 2lb to get back on track, I did plan on staying to group but instead I left half way through with my mum. Whilst standing outside in the freezing cold waiting for my dad, my consultant came out to see what was wrong and I just burst into tears. I'm determined to have a better loss next week, even if it means cutting a leg off!
I'm also missing Ashley, it's so hard me being here in Manchester and him being in Stoke. We do plow through it, but it sucks when I'm in need of a cuddle and reassurance. I know it will all be worth it in the end when we finally have a place of our own but I know until then things will be tough, but nobody said it would be easy. 3 more days and I'll be seeing him, torture but I can't wait :)

(source: weheartit.com)

On a lighter note, I may slightly be in love with Katy Perry. How cute did she look on last nights X Factor?! I wish I looked half as good as she did, she has the body of a goddess and the face of an angel.

My weekend.

This weekend has been rather special, then again they are always special. Friday evening Ashley arrived to stay the weekend, it's torture during the week not being able to see him. But when I do get to see him we always have so much fun. I even had his tea ready for him when he arrived ;) Slimming World style Chicken Tikka Masala with rice and chips mmmmm.

Saturday morning we ventured into town, had a poke around in forbidden planet and bashed each other over the head with plastic bottles in St Ann's Square. Our maturity levels are not very high when we are in each others company, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Saturday night we went to Route 66 Outdoor Cinema to watch Captain Phillips. We went armed with my duvet, pillows, fruit and sugar free Iron Bru. The film was awesome, a must see. I love Tom Hanks, he's an incredible actor. For those of you who haven't seen it, it's based on a true story. Tom Hanks plays Richard Phillips (The Captain), he and his crew are ambushed by Somalian Pirates. I'd watch it again without a doubt. Anyway, how cool is the fact it's an outdoor cinema?! You see those things in American Movies then all of a sudden BAM! Manchester gets one! Bloody brilliant.

Sunday afternoon, Me and Ashley decided to take Rufus on his first adventure to Heaton Park. Rufus is 1 of 4 Chihuahua's (I'll introduce them all in another post soon, I promise). It was amazing, he stuck his head out of the car window on the way there and enjoyed running around the park. UNTIL heavens opened and the rain came down really heavy. We were all dripping and very cold! It was a good 2 hour walk around though apart from the rain towards the end.

I hate when Ash has to go home, it sucks. But I'm on his turf next weekend, super excited.
Hope you all enjoyed your weekends!

Mental health.

Well today I had my fortnightly appointment with my support worker, normally I sit, cry and tell her how awful everything has been. BUT today I was more positive, I explained to her that next September I wanted to go back to college and do a course which will then help me get a job as a councilor or that line of work. Basically giving my support to young people or adults that are suffering with mental health. I know how hard it is when having to deal with mental health as I've been battling with it for 5 years and was battling with it on and off through out school and college. When people don't understand the context of mental health and how it affects people, it's easy for them to say 'oh cheer up'. Now if it was that easy the world would be a much happier place, would it not? But it's not that easy and it affects people in different ways.
As a person that's suffered at the hands of it for so long, I've developed a poker face. I look happy on the outside but on the inside I'm practically an emotional wreck. It becomes easier to bottle all your problems up rather than tell people about them. Once you bottle them up for so long though it's only a matter of time before you crumble, and I did. I turned to self harming, I'm not proud of it but I'm not ashamed of it either. Yes I have scars, but I'm still here. I no longer use self harming as a coping mechanism, 1 I'd hate my boyfriend to have to witness what I did after I had done it, and 2 what was I achieving from it? Absolutely nothing. Don't get me wrong there are times when I'm feeling so low that I want to go back to that but I find a distraction because it isn't worth the pain.

I've avoided interacting with people outside for so long because of negative comments I use to receive, I'd be called names in the streets. People would even go out of their way to shout comments out of car windows. It made me feel worthless and ashamed of myself, obviously these people had problems with their own little lives that they had to make somebody feel much worse that day. So being outside makes my anxiety hit the roof, I become so paranoid. Even now when I'm out with my boyfriend, I worry that people will look at us and think 'What the hell is he doing with a fat bitch like her?'. I know its all in my head, but it's hard to change the way you think when negativity is all you've known.

The reason behind my smile. This is Ashley, my boyfriend :-) I met him on the 8th July 2013. I didn't think it was possible for anybody to love me until he came along. I'd been through so much crap, I've never had a relationship with somebody without them treating me like a complete mug. This time it's different, I've come out of my shell so much. I leave the house, now after 5 years of being a recluse that's bloody awesome. We've done so much in such a short space of time, he gets me. He tells me I'm beautiful all the time and although I'm terrible at accepting compliments, it makes me feel so special. He's my ray of sunshine when I'm having such a crap day. Everything is better when he's around and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm looking forward to our future together, he's my soul mate and my forever.

This was me at the beginning of my journey. July 2012, I didn't realise how big I had actually got until I told my mum to take a full length picture of me. I felt sick and disgusted with myself, it was time for change.

This is me now October 2013. I've started to smile again and I'm wearing a dress! I've never worn something so girly in well EVER. I was scared to even try one on in fear of looking awful, but I really like it. I know I've still got a lot of weight to lose but it's progress.

Hello wonderful person that has stumbled across my blog.
My name is Rebecca, I'm 22 years old and I'm from Manchester, England. I've been 'Fat' or for those that hate that word 'Slightly larger than everybody else' for as long as I can remember. I loved food, I still love food but my relationship with it has changed.

Growing up being a large child wasn't easy, I was repeatedly called names because of my size. But instead of doing something about it, I comfort ate. Now comfort eating became my source of help for years, although it wasn't actually helping the situation it just made me feel better for a little bit. Starting high school was the worst time of my life, I desperately wanted to make friends and for people to like me. I became the loud, bubbly friend because that made up for the fact I didn't fit in because of the way I looked. I was bullied for the first two years of high school, I was sad and alone. I contemplated suicide because I couldn't find a way out. I wrote my mum a letter telling her I'd be better off dead, now obviously I didn't go threw with it. My mum went marching in to the school and sorted it all out. School got better for the remaining three years, I did get the odd comment off some girls but I chose to ignore it. Finally leaving school I went to college, I was larger and unhappier. I had lost the little confidence I had, and again I had more problems at college with sly comments. I just couldn't escape from it, I tried so many diets threw out school and college but non of them seemed to work. After I left college my life spiraled out of control, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. My source of comfort wasn't just eating anymore it was self harming too. I wouldn't leave the house which meant I got larger, it took me 5 years of suffering to finally bite the bullet and go with my mum to our local Slimming World group. I was terrified, I hadn't interacted with people outside my house for so long. The consultant was so lovely which eased my nerves, she explained how the plan worked. I couldn't quite get my head around the fact I could still eat so much and lose weight. I was still optimistic until I got weighed the following week and had lost 3.5lb and then continued to lose week after week. I'm now 7 stone lighter with still just over 6 more stone to lose but I will do it. I thought I'd be large forever and nobody would ever love me, that was until I met Ashley in July this year. He has changed my life and made me more determined and he loves me for me. I've started to smile and laugh again and it's all thanks to him.

So this is my blog of progress and just generally my life.