One red bus and bubble beards.

I know I'm slacking on the whole blogging front! Deep apologies! I've had a tough week or so, after going so long without having a panic attack due to medication, I had a horrific one last week and it's set me back quite a lot. BUT this post isn't meant to be a gloomy one so we will forget about that, I've cried about it and it's over with now.

I've finally managed to colour one red bus in on my countdown to London for losing 14lb which is 4 weeks away and Christmas is next week. I've decided what will be will be if I don't lose the 14lb by then, then it's not a big deal. I want to enjoy Christmas without feeling guilty, I'm not going to ruin all my hard work but I'm not going to be a boring fart and not eat chocolate or drink Malibu! Chin, chin!
At the weekend with the help of my lovely boyfriend, I finally decided on what I want to do when I get to the uni stage after college. I want to be a mental health nurse, I may have mentioned wanting to be a Councillor in another post but I think mental heath nursing is exactly what I want to do. I want to make a difference, I might not be a superhero but if I can help somebody change their lives then it's a job I'd be extremely happy with. I super crap at maths, like ridiculously crap. So I will need to resit that as a GCSE at college, Ashley has been helping me with that, he's awesome I'm so lucky. I still need to see what A Levels I'm going to do but I have until next September to work that out.

I persuaded my mother to buy Matey bubble bath today, I haven't had a bath with that stuff since I was a nipper! I was so chuffed when she agreed to buy it. I had a bath with it tonight and kids have the best bubble bath ever. It makes more bubbles than all that grown up stuff, I even created an awesome bubble beard. Bubble beards are awesome, if I was a man I'd want one of those crazy biker men beards. I'd also want a Harley to go with it.

I'm off to watch Stoke vs Manchester United tomorrow at the Britannia Stadium with Ashley, I'm really excited. I can't cheer if we score though because I'm sat in the Stoke end. Should be interesting haha. I'm also off to watch The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug on Friday when I head back to Stoke for the weekend. I loved the first one and normally I'm never able to sit threw a film that is that long!

Hope you all have a good week :-)

It's the most wonderful time of the year.

Hello lovely people! Christmas is upon us and that means Christmas shopping and clothes shopping! I have dreaded clothes shopping for the past 12 years or so, because I could never go into the shops I wanted to. I always dreamed of being able to go in River Island and buying something really nice. I never stepped foot inside because well nothing was ever going to fit me, apart from their hats. Saturday morning arrived and myself and Ashley ventured into town. Guess what I did?! I went into River Island and I bought a pair of jeggings in a size 18S yes I have short legs and they fitted! So we went back on the Sunday and I got another pair in a different colour. I'm over the moon, yes it's jeggings and I'm aware that they stretch but they still are quite roomy I could probably have gotten away with a 16 if it wasn't for my thunder thighs! I also got a top from George at Asda on Monday afternoon in a size 18 and it was baggy, I'm flabbergasted by how smaller size my clothes are going. For somebody that once wore a 26-28 clothes, I never thought I'd be fitting into a size 18 of anything especially a size 18 in River Island. I maintained at weigh in last night too, but I feel smaller so I need to take my measurements again to see if there is a difference from when I last took them.

Happy slimming!

Theres a beast and we all feed it.

Hello, HI, Bonjour etc etc. Sorry I haven't blogged in possibly a week or maybe more? I didn't check. But tonight's blog post is a special post, a very celebratory post at that! Why are we celebrating I hear you ask (You are probably not asking, and well in that case I look a bit silly) BUT! Tonight well yesterday since it's now Tuesday, I went to Slimming World after gaining 1.5lb last week (I'll explain why further down) and being 1lb away from my 7 and a half stone award, which meant this week I had to work extra hard and lose 2.5lb to get that award and this is the part where I blow your socks off! So prepare to be blown! I lost 2.5lb and got my 7 and a half stone award! I'm so happy, it's taken me weeks but I finally got there.

The gain last week was my own fault and mother natures fault too. But, I'm not sorry about that gain because for the first time in over 5 years I went out and enjoyed myself, I was very merry! Myself and Ashley went to a friends engagement party, I thoroughly enjoyed it. We requested stupid songs to the DJ, which he played! From Backstreet Boys - Everybody to Flash Gordon, we was on that dance floor strutting our stuff even if we did look like complete plant pots because we were the only ones doing so (we didn't actually care because we were very drunk at this point). So yeah, that gain was worth it!

Now I've got my 7 and a half stone award I'm now going to focus on my countdown I made today for London, I want to have lost another stone by January 13th which will make me 8 and a half stone lighter which thinking about it is quite bloody cool. I won't be attending weigh in next week because I get an extra day at Ashley's next weekend because he's off work on the Monday, so you will have to wait another 2 weeks until I can update my weight loss. I can't believe there is less than 2 weeks left of November! Where has this year gone?! I'm so excited for next Saturday, DOCTOR WHO!!!!!!

Hope you all had a good weekend and have a good week a head!

EL OH VEE E.

This post may contain soppy thoughts and images, so if you don't have a strong stomach grab a bucket!

All those crushes growing up, I never thought I'd love anybody more than I love Johnny Depp I mean of course Johnny Depp didn't know I existed but it was love. The heartache and tears of those that didn't deserve an ounce of anything then somebody comes along and you realise that those feelings you thought you had for other people actually weren't what you thought. Somebody that loves you doesn't mentally abuse you, they don't cheat on you and they don't make you cry. I've found it extremely difficult to trust people because of past relationships but I know I've never managed to love anybody which was a shame because I've got a big heart. It's not until I met my now boyfriend that I've finally realised how love is meant to feel, it's actually quite marvelous. It's the constant flutter in your stomach, the ache when you are away from them, the happiness, the laughter, feeling constantly safe, honesty and just not being able to match the perfection of the feeling with anything else.

When you have such a connection with somebody and you have so much in common, I don't think anything could beat it. Immaturity levels rise and maturity only happens when needs be. All the outings become little adventures and memories, I can't quite explain how I feel and non of this probably quite grasps it all. You'd do literally anything for that person and they become a part of you. Dancing to no music up and down the kitchen, playing xbox together, walking down muddy and slippy paths holding on for dear life, fist bumping, bickering over football because well one person doesn't support a very good team ;), falling asleep cuddled up, pulling silly faces and face timing from the toilet (don't act like you don't do it) haha, Those are just some of the things that make me love Ashley as much as I do.

I never ever thought about being with somebody forever until now. I value each and every second I get to spend with him and even then they are not enough. Goodbyes are always the hardest even though they aren't really goodbyes because goodbye means forever and it's never forever. My life without him I couldn't possibly imagine because he is my life and if I can make him happy forever, that will be my mission to do so.
So if you are lucky enough to have experienced or are experiencing love then you will know what I mean.

OH MY GLOB!

This weekend has been rather lovely! I went to Stoke on Friday evening to spend the weekend with Ashley. I've stuck to plan all week, I wrote everything down that had passed my lips. I even stuck to plan while being there for the weekend. On the Friday we made Tuna pizza's obviously Slimming World friendly and on Saturday we made Singapore Noodles from the Family Budget book. I tried two things this weekend that I've never tried before one being Salmon, WOW! It tastes amazing especially with vinegar and pepper added to it mmmmmm. I prefer it over Tuna now. The second thing I tried was Prawns, I had a phobia of trying them because I think they look like huge worms. Well like those bugs they make the celebrities eat on I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. BUT they wasn't what I expected, once I got past the way they looked I realised how good they actually taste. They taste like chicken! I'm a converted Prawn eater now, so much that I'm making the Singapore Noodles again on Wednesday. We also made the 15 syn Brownies on Sunday, I didn't manage to take a picture but I will next time I make them. They was really yummy, 15 syns for the whole lot but we cut it into six and put a quark mixed with options outrageous orange on the top and had a few strawberries on the side. Even Ashley's nan enjoyed them, she wanted to take me home!
The weather has been shocking this weekend the winds picked up and the rain wasn't going anywhere in a hurry. I hope you all stayed safe! Because I know it hit some places a lot worse.
I'm now the proud owner of a Moomin, myself and Ashley ventured into Waterstones in Hanley for a nosey and he got me one! Along with an Adventure Time graphic novel, he's the best!


 I got weighed tonight at Slimming World and my hard work paid off, after a week of writing everything down and sticking to the plan I lost 3lb which now brings me to a loss of 7st 5lb, I can't actually believe it. I'm hoping for a good loss again next week, so I'm going to repeat this week by writing everything down once more. Even if I just lose 2lb I'll be happy as that will get me my 7 and a half stone award. I also had a non scale victory today, I now fit into a size 16 pair of jeans! And they are not tight! I was a size 28 in jeans this time last year.

Hope you've all had a good day. Here are a few pictures relating to this post :)!

Ashley decided to post this on my Instagram after leaving my phone in his kitchen Friday night. He's so beautiful.

My Moomin and Adventure Time graphic novel from Waterstones!

We was watching Boardwalk Empire.

My weight loss tonight and so far.

Paddington Bear is a fashion icon.

Today I made a new comparison picture from before slimming world and now. It's amazing how much change you can see from those things, yet you don't actually feel that there is any change in reality. My mind is yet to catch up with all the change, it will eventually. I've also realised how much better my hair looks now it's shorter and darker. My feet keep shrinking too it's rather annoying as my newish converse are now really roomy! On the plus side I got a new coat on Wednesday because my biker jacket was not practical, it was super smelly when it got wet and it didn't keep me warm. I now have a duffel coat like Paddington Bear and I love it! I don't feel elephant sized in it either, which is always good. Yes I am incredibly short, last time I was measured I was 5'3 but I think I've shrunk which is quite worrying as I don't have much height on me to start with!

The coat is from George at Asda, it was £19 if you was wondering.

I'm super excited for January, me and Ashley are going to London for 5 days! I've never been to London before so it's going to be an awesome adventure. It'll be nice to spend some alone time with him too, away from everything. Going to London also means I can purchase a Pandora charm there as a souvenir! I can't wait to go on the London Eye, visit the Big Ben, Convent Gardens and the Tower of London etc. It's super exciting!

I'm also off to Stoke for the weekend tomorrow well technically now it's after midnight I'm going today! I do shit myself getting the train on my own but it's all worth it and the journey isn't really that long tbh.
I just can not wait to see Ash, this week has gone really fast for a change it normally drags and I'm normally pulling my hair out and crying by the Tuesday. But yeah, expect a post full of wonderful pictures and blabbering of my weekend in Stoke.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! TTFN.

I guess that's why they call it the blues..

Not feeling very chirpy today. My mood has flickered through out the day, it really annoys me. One minute I can be fine and the next I feel like the world is going to end. I'm currently sat watching Doc Martin wearing Moomin PJ's whilst huffing and puffing. It's a new day tomorrow, let's hope I don't feel so crappy.
I went to weigh in tonight at Slimming World I got weighed I had lost 1lb I wasn't pleased with that as I needed to lose 2lb to get back on track, I did plan on staying to group but instead I left half way through with my mum. Whilst standing outside in the freezing cold waiting for my dad, my consultant came out to see what was wrong and I just burst into tears. I'm determined to have a better loss next week, even if it means cutting a leg off!
I'm also missing Ashley, it's so hard me being here in Manchester and him being in Stoke. We do plow through it, but it sucks when I'm in need of a cuddle and reassurance. I know it will all be worth it in the end when we finally have a place of our own but I know until then things will be tough, but nobody said it would be easy. 3 more days and I'll be seeing him, torture but I can't wait :)

(source: weheartit.com)

On a lighter note, I may slightly be in love with Katy Perry. How cute did she look on last nights X Factor?! I wish I looked half as good as she did, she has the body of a goddess and the face of an angel.

My weekend.

This weekend has been rather special, then again they are always special. Friday evening Ashley arrived to stay the weekend, it's torture during the week not being able to see him. But when I do get to see him we always have so much fun. I even had his tea ready for him when he arrived ;) Slimming World style Chicken Tikka Masala with rice and chips mmmmm.

Saturday morning we ventured into town, had a poke around in forbidden planet and bashed each other over the head with plastic bottles in St Ann's Square. Our maturity levels are not very high when we are in each others company, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Saturday night we went to Route 66 Outdoor Cinema to watch Captain Phillips. We went armed with my duvet, pillows, fruit and sugar free Iron Bru. The film was awesome, a must see. I love Tom Hanks, he's an incredible actor. For those of you who haven't seen it, it's based on a true story. Tom Hanks plays Richard Phillips (The Captain), he and his crew are ambushed by Somalian Pirates. I'd watch it again without a doubt. Anyway, how cool is the fact it's an outdoor cinema?! You see those things in American Movies then all of a sudden BAM! Manchester gets one! Bloody brilliant.

Sunday afternoon, Me and Ashley decided to take Rufus on his first adventure to Heaton Park. Rufus is 1 of 4 Chihuahua's (I'll introduce them all in another post soon, I promise). It was amazing, he stuck his head out of the car window on the way there and enjoyed running around the park. UNTIL heavens opened and the rain came down really heavy. We were all dripping and very cold! It was a good 2 hour walk around though apart from the rain towards the end.

I hate when Ash has to go home, it sucks. But I'm on his turf next weekend, super excited.
Hope you all enjoyed your weekends!

Mental health.

Well today I had my fortnightly appointment with my support worker, normally I sit, cry and tell her how awful everything has been. BUT today I was more positive, I explained to her that next September I wanted to go back to college and do a course which will then help me get a job as a councilor or that line of work. Basically giving my support to young people or adults that are suffering with mental health. I know how hard it is when having to deal with mental health as I've been battling with it for 5 years and was battling with it on and off through out school and college. When people don't understand the context of mental health and how it affects people, it's easy for them to say 'oh cheer up'. Now if it was that easy the world would be a much happier place, would it not? But it's not that easy and it affects people in different ways.
As a person that's suffered at the hands of it for so long, I've developed a poker face. I look happy on the outside but on the inside I'm practically an emotional wreck. It becomes easier to bottle all your problems up rather than tell people about them. Once you bottle them up for so long though it's only a matter of time before you crumble, and I did. I turned to self harming, I'm not proud of it but I'm not ashamed of it either. Yes I have scars, but I'm still here. I no longer use self harming as a coping mechanism, 1 I'd hate my boyfriend to have to witness what I did after I had done it, and 2 what was I achieving from it? Absolutely nothing. Don't get me wrong there are times when I'm feeling so low that I want to go back to that but I find a distraction because it isn't worth the pain.

I've avoided interacting with people outside for so long because of negative comments I use to receive, I'd be called names in the streets. People would even go out of their way to shout comments out of car windows. It made me feel worthless and ashamed of myself, obviously these people had problems with their own little lives that they had to make somebody feel much worse that day. So being outside makes my anxiety hit the roof, I become so paranoid. Even now when I'm out with my boyfriend, I worry that people will look at us and think 'What the hell is he doing with a fat bitch like her?'. I know its all in my head, but it's hard to change the way you think when negativity is all you've known.

The reason behind my smile. This is Ashley, my boyfriend :-) I met him on the 8th July 2013. I didn't think it was possible for anybody to love me until he came along. I'd been through so much crap, I've never had a relationship with somebody without them treating me like a complete mug. This time it's different, I've come out of my shell so much. I leave the house, now after 5 years of being a recluse that's bloody awesome. We've done so much in such a short space of time, he gets me. He tells me I'm beautiful all the time and although I'm terrible at accepting compliments, it makes me feel so special. He's my ray of sunshine when I'm having such a crap day. Everything is better when he's around and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm looking forward to our future together, he's my soul mate and my forever.

This was me at the beginning of my journey. July 2012, I didn't realise how big I had actually got until I told my mum to take a full length picture of me. I felt sick and disgusted with myself, it was time for change.

This is me now October 2013. I've started to smile again and I'm wearing a dress! I've never worn something so girly in well EVER. I was scared to even try one on in fear of looking awful, but I really like it. I know I've still got a lot of weight to lose but it's progress.

Hello wonderful person that has stumbled across my blog.
My name is Rebecca, I'm 22 years old and I'm from Manchester, England. I've been 'Fat' or for those that hate that word 'Slightly larger than everybody else' for as long as I can remember. I loved food, I still love food but my relationship with it has changed.

Growing up being a large child wasn't easy, I was repeatedly called names because of my size. But instead of doing something about it, I comfort ate. Now comfort eating became my source of help for years, although it wasn't actually helping the situation it just made me feel better for a little bit. Starting high school was the worst time of my life, I desperately wanted to make friends and for people to like me. I became the loud, bubbly friend because that made up for the fact I didn't fit in because of the way I looked. I was bullied for the first two years of high school, I was sad and alone. I contemplated suicide because I couldn't find a way out. I wrote my mum a letter telling her I'd be better off dead, now obviously I didn't go threw with it. My mum went marching in to the school and sorted it all out. School got better for the remaining three years, I did get the odd comment off some girls but I chose to ignore it. Finally leaving school I went to college, I was larger and unhappier. I had lost the little confidence I had, and again I had more problems at college with sly comments. I just couldn't escape from it, I tried so many diets threw out school and college but non of them seemed to work. After I left college my life spiraled out of control, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. My source of comfort wasn't just eating anymore it was self harming too. I wouldn't leave the house which meant I got larger, it took me 5 years of suffering to finally bite the bullet and go with my mum to our local Slimming World group. I was terrified, I hadn't interacted with people outside my house for so long. The consultant was so lovely which eased my nerves, she explained how the plan worked. I couldn't quite get my head around the fact I could still eat so much and lose weight. I was still optimistic until I got weighed the following week and had lost 3.5lb and then continued to lose week after week. I'm now 7 stone lighter with still just over 6 more stone to lose but I will do it. I thought I'd be large forever and nobody would ever love me, that was until I met Ashley in July this year. He has changed my life and made me more determined and he loves me for me. I've started to smile and laugh again and it's all thanks to him.

So this is my blog of progress and just generally my life.