Everything is coming up Milhouse!

Well sort of. I'm all over the place at the minute completely missing Ashley, not being able to see him this weekend has broken me. I didn't realise how much sadness it makes me feel when I can't see him as since August 2013 (a month after we got together I've seen him every weekend without fail). It sucks being away from him but it makes me love him so much more because I know when I see him Friday I'll be happy and content once again. I can't possibly explain how much he means to me, I never thought I would ever fall in love, let alone with somebody so amazing as he is. It makes me feel so very lucky, he stands by me through everything I know he's always got my back. I trust him with my life and I know sometimes he probably wants to strangle me because I am a difficult cow and I don't mean to be but he stays when he doesn't have to. I'm trying to be an awesome girlfriend but it's a difficult role to play when you've never had somebody stick around for so long. He's my longest relationship and I intend on keeping him forever, providing he stays.

I lost 2.5lb at weigh in tonight, 2lb left of my christmas gain to lose and 3lb until I get my 10.5st award. I'm so happy I'm finally almost back on track, I can then look forward to getting to target. My placement for college is going extremely well too, I've started doing observations on the children and the manager and staff in the rooms are really pleased with how well I'm doing so much so they are fighting for me to be in their rooms! The deputy manager spoke to me today and said I could do my level 3 with them which means I'll have a job come September as long as it is cleared and gets the ok with the actual manager. I'm so excited to be appreciated for what I'm doing and knowing I'm doing it well. It's so rewarding working with children and they amaze me everyday I'm there, I learn so much about them and myself. I can't wait to do it as my job, I'm going to be the best I can be. From everything I've been through I never in my life thought I'd catch a break, I never thought people would treat me like a normal human being and not be horrible to me. Instead I'm being told I'm lovely and how great I am at what I do, it's very overwhelming. The life I've lived is so very different from the life I'm living now. I now know what happiness feels like, I know what love feels like and I can now begin to trust people but I still keep my whits about me because I won't just trust people straight away as I will always question it. It's strange to think how differently people treat you after losing so much weight and it's sad really. I had terrible things shouted at me when I walked down main roads from people in cars, yet now I can walk down a road and I don't get 'fat bastard' 'go home you fat bitch' nothing. I always prepare myself for it, yet it never happens. If this is what our society is like around larger people it makes me feel extremely ashamed of those people that feel the need to go out of their way to ruin somebody else's day. When I've been upset in the past I've dealt with my problems by self harming but now if I have a problem it may take me a while but I will eventually speak to Ashley about it. He never judges me, he just listens. I still feel like people are staring at me but now I just think its because I have an extremely hot boyfriend and they probably think he's way out of my league but I don't care he's mine and I'm proud.


I hope you are all having a great week.

Hello 2015.

This is my first post of 2015 and we are already 2 weeks (and a bit) into the year. This year is going to be very important to me, there are so many things I want to achieve and I know with all the support I have around me that I will achieve them. This year I want to reach target, I'm not dead on sure what I want my target weight to be. I'm ranging between 9st 7lb and 10st but not sure where, my consultant wants me on the stage this year being crowned Slimming Worlds 'Woman of The Year 2015' (a girl can dream right?) it would be amazing to even get a sniff of that opportunity. At Christmas I became a human disposal truck, I ate whatever I could which meant tubs of Roses etc YES I ATE THEM BY THE TUB, don't judge I did share. I wish I hadn't done so though as it meant me gaining a whopping 12lb, I have lost 7.5lb of that now but I still need to lose 4.5lb to get back to pre-christmas weight and means I'm now 5.5lb away from my 10 and a half stone award, which I was only 1lb away before I ate myself into a food coma over Christmas. I'm not going to dwell on it even if I do regret it, life happens. I'm excited to get it all off so I can start fresh and get to target!

Now we are in January it means this year I will be finishing my course and in 11 weeks time I'll be finishing my placement. I'm enjoying it so much, theres been a few bumps in the road but I've over come them just like I've over come everything else that's happened on the journey of getting where I am now. I'm going to have to do GCSE Maths for a year once I finish in order for me to get on to the Level 3 course but I'm willing to put all the hard work in because I want to one day own and run my own successful day nursery. It's my biggest dream and I know it will be the hardest and most stressful thing I will ever do but if I want to be successful then I will plow through it. I need to learn to stop worrying about things so much this year and stand up for myself and what I believe in. I think thats one of my main goals, I've always worried about what people think of me and what they might say but I need to keep telling myself I'm okay with me so everybody else should be too and if they are not okay with me, then that's their bloody problem! Not mine.

I turn 24 this year, that's quite scary. But it's ages away yet. I want to try new things, whether that be making new slimming world recipes or going different places and doing different activities. I'll have been with Ashley for 2 years in July too which is exciting, he's my longest boyfriend EVER. I'm aiming to get to target for August so we can enjoy our first holiday in the sun together :) I'm still so very much in love with him and very very happy. I've seen so much of him lately too which has been absolutely amazing. I'm also getting to see him tomorrow too, which makes me extremely happy! I promised him slimming world bacon burgers with bbq relish for tea, it's awesome that he likes the slimming world meals I make. It makes him really supportive as we love cooking together and making a moohassive bomb site of the kitchen.

I'll be doing a post on the things I love to eat on slimming world (whether it be boxed or packet) when I get a chance. I hope you all had a brilliant Christmas and New Year and are ready to grab 2015 by the balls and make it yours!