From a very bad slimming worlder.

I haven't posted in a while, well since before my birthday which was last month. My heart hasn't been in it, Slimming World took a back seat. I've gained quite a bit of weight, after my birthday I'd gained 7lb. Monday 6th July I lost 2.5lb of that but then decided to eat what I like all week again so I think that's going to cause another large gain according to my scales at home it's another 7lber. So that's a whopping 11.5lb to lose to get back to where I was before going off the rails. It's happened I'm not going to cry about it, it's made me very determined to get back on plan and lose it all again. Life happens and at the moment I'm so very happy. I had my first job interview a couple of weeks ago and I got the job! I'm going to be doing what I love, working with children. I'm actually a nursery nurse now! It's an amazing feeling. My life seems to be moving forward instead of backwards. I can now start saving to do amazing things with Ashley without worrying that I won't have the money. I'll be able to treat him to things instead of him treating me. I can learn to drive, then purchase my own car! It's so exciting. I've spent the last 10 days with Ashley we celebrated our 2 year anniversary on the 8th July which was lovely. It's lovely to know I'm obviously worth having around if he's stayed this long, I'm a very lucky lady.

I did the race for life 5k yesterday (12th July) and I ran! It took me 56 minutes but I did it. I have raised £74 plus £16.25 in gift aids so far if you would like to donate my just giving link is http://www.justgiving.com/beckyhodgson91 every little helps! After doing it I felt really good so I've decided to register for Park Run every Saturday morning they do a 5K in Heaton Park so I'll be doing that along side Ashley when he comes to my house so it will probably be every 2 weeks. I must be mad haha.

I rang my college this morning to see how my portfolio has done (all my assignments through out the year) and I've passed the course. They are keeping hold of my folder until the end of September though as mine has been chosen to be looked at by the IV people I think the lady said. She asked on the phone if I'd like to progress onto the next level and I told her I had got a job with Bright Horizons the company that came into speak to us and she got ever so excited! The best part was I didn't even know who I was speaking to on the phone as my tutor isn't there now haha.

So yeah that's been me since the last post! I'm going to get weighed tonight suck it up and start again. I hope you all have a great week. I'm waiting for Mr Postman to deliver my DBS check then I can start my job!

X

Birthday week and goals!

So I may not have reached my birthday goal of losing 12st I was asking alot of myself really. But... I have now lost 11st 4.5lb I have 2.5lb to lose for my 11 and half stone award. It's my birthday tomorrow so I've been off plan since Monday night not going to lie I'm not feeling guilty about it and ive probably got a hefty gain a head of me but I'm enjoying myself. I'm not at slimming world on Monday so I've a week to get myself a small gain or maintain :) its been so lovely spending so much time with Ashley as it doesn't happen often. I'm writing this blog whilst quite intoxicated haha absolut vodka raspberry flavour is incredible! I can't wait to be back on plan but I deserve to enjoy myself once in a while. I hope you are all having a great week!

Remember why you started.

When I first started my blog I did explain my story, for those that really can't be bothered going back to the beginning (I don't really blame you) here it is..

                         

I'd been unhappy for a very long time, I'd also battled with my weight for a very long time. I think the last time I was slim I was 5 years old. I was a chunky child, an over weight teenager and a very over weight adult. Food was my comfort blanket, I enjoyed it until it made me feel sick. I hated going shopping for clothes as I dreaded in the changing rooms looking at myself in the mirror. I remember when prom came around at high school and my mum took me to Evans to buy me a dress (I never wore dresses) and the only ones that fitted me were the ones your grandma would wear. I stood and looked at myself in the mirror and I got really upset. I took it off and refused to try on any more dresses. I ended up going to prom in a pair of white cotton trousers and a baggy tunic top, whilst all the other girls looked beautiful in their prom dresses. I was miserable, I finished school and went to college I was picked on throughout college for 2 years. People said it was because I was too nice, I don't see how being nice is a problem but clearly to those girls it was. I was picked on in school so to have to deal with it again in college made life hell. Who'd have thought girls could be so cruel? When I finished college I went into a deep dark depression, I shut everybody off. Anxiety hit me like a tonne of bricks, I wouldn't leave the house, I was snappy, I comfort ate and I self harmed. My life was out of control, I didn't feel like it was my life anymore. The depression and anxiety destroyed every last piece of me. I had a boyfriend that cheated on me, I stayed with him even though I didn't want to because I thought nobody would ever love me or want me. It took me a while but in June 2012 I decided to get rid of him and cut him out of my life, even though that meant all the awful looks I get off his family members now (I don't think he told them what he did). In July 2012 I decided I didn't want to be fat anymore I wanted to feel good and I wanted some happiness so with the support of my mum I joined slimming world. I was so so scared but I will never ever look back, it's changed my life and I've gained so much from it. In July 2013 a year after I joined I met Ashley who I've been with for nearly 2 years, finally somebody who actually loved me and wasn't going to hurt me. The bond we have is beautiful, I couldn't ask for anybody more perfect. He's loyal, supportive, kind and beautiful inside and out. You could say life is pretty good now, after being inside the house for 5 years I'm doing well. I do have panics still when going out and I do worry about what other people think but it's not as scary as I thought. I went back to college and I'm almost finished, I'm hoping to have a job next year doing something I love and I am passionate about. I'm 1lb away from losing 11st, I never in a million years thought I'd lose 1st let alone 11.

Don't give up, don't make excuses, if I can do it so can you! 

It's been a while.

I've not posted in nearly a month *slaps wrist*. I've been so busy with college work etc and worrying about my maths. I've not got my 11st award yet, I'm 1lb away from doing so (although I was half a pound away). My body is being stupid and it sucks. I've been put onto the pill because well lets just saying nothing was helping me if you think bleeding once a month is a fucker try bleeding constantly for months! It sucks I tell you. I'm hoping everything will settle down eventually and the pill is my saviour but it needs time to work, so only time will tell. I've had a lot going on lately, I failed my first attempt at my exam for functional skills level 2 maths and I resit it next week. I've been doing a lot of test papers that Ashley kindly printed off for me, so I'm hoping all that has helped. I also after 10 months of avoiding the dentist got my mum to ring them this morning (I'm shit scared of them) I was meant to go and have my teeth cleaned again 10 months ago but avoided it but now I have to go for a check up next Wednesday because I haven't been in so long. Don't worry I still brush my teeth every day and use mouth wash I'm not a hillbilly with one tooth, I just lack in the flossing department so the Dentist person will tell me off for that. I avoided going for so long because my anxiety to was so bad and the dentist would have finished me off so surely they will understand that. Also, I took Luna to the vets last Thursday to be told she is blind in one eye, she's not even 3 years old and has cataracts in her left eye. I was heartbroken to say the least especially as the vet said if the drops she has been put on don't help the inflammation and soreness of the eye then she will have to have removed. As somebody that loves their dog more than anything in the world it's such a horrible thing to know. So all I can do is cuddle her as much as she can bare and sooth her eye with eye drops (they seem to be helping so far).

So yeah that's been my life in a nutshell for the past couple of weeks. I've also spent the last 9 days with Ashley which has been wonderful. I can't wait for us to have our place together because it sucks spending so much time together then having to wait a week to see him again. Roll on Sunday!

Hope you all have a great week and are doing well.

Things I want to be able to do now I'm not nearly 24 stone.

So today I've been thinking about all the things I want to be able to do now I don't weigh nearly 24 stone. My weight has held me back for far too long, I want to be out there, I want to do things that I've stopped my self from doing because I've been so scared.

So here is my list -

• I want to go to a theme park and go on rides without being scared that I won't fit. The last time I went to a theme park I couldn't fit through the railings to get onto rides I had to climb over. Not only is it embarrassing it's also scary when the bar is digging into your stomach and you feel like it's going to burst open. Me and Ashley are hopefully going to Alton Towers in June to overcome my fears.
• I want to go on holiday in the sunshine and not worry about having to cover up. I want to be able to wear shorts and strappy tops without being judged because I'm massive. 
• I want to be able to eat food in public and not worry that people are looking at me and thinking I'm a fat bitch just because I'm eating.
• I want to be able to start running, I can only run for one minute on the treadmill but I'm sure I'd be able to build on that gradually. 
• I want to meet the lovely people I've met on instagram and not feel worried they will judge me. I know I've met a couple already but I want to meet more! I've made some really good friends.
• I want to make more friends, friends are something I've found all my life very hard to make and keep. I always feel like a burden, hence why I spend all of my time with my mum or Ashley. The truth is I don't really have any friends. Well I do but non that I see or go out and do stuff with.
• I want to experiment with clothes, I need a new wardrobe. I also need to rob a bank in order to do so haha.
• I want to learn how to swim, yes I can't swim. I'm afraid, not just of swimming but of wearing a swim suit. This will take a long time yet.
• I eventually don't want to worry about my weight, I want to be happy and content with the way I look. I want to feel like I'm worthy of being with Ashley, I want to look good for him. Every girl wants to feel sexy right? I couldn't be sexy if I tried. 

Not all of these things can be done at once, but eventually I want to be able to say I've done it! 

Greatest Monday in the history of Mondays!

I'm very much aware it is now Friday but Monday was one of the best Mondays I have ever had! I had a very positive head on, I got through placement and then went to weigh in at group. I jumped on the scales knowing I was going to have a good loss, I could feel it in myself. I lost 3.5lb I was over the moon! Losing that amount meant I got my 10 and a half stone award as well as an extra 1.5lb, I have now lost 10st 8.5lb and I can't explain just how happy I am. I normally get weighed then go home I know people thrown upon this but while the nights are dark and I'm ready to eat my arm come 7pm it's what I prefer I pay to get weighed to keep me on the straight and narrow and I still receive full support from my consultant. But Monday I stayed to group with the company of Ashley and my mum, my consultant had asked me to stay so she could hand me both my awards. I did a clean sweep though! Not only did I get my 10 and a half stone award, I also got slimmer of the week (which I need to pick up) and I was announced our groups Greatest Loser 2015. It was such a lovely night, I stood up and spoke in front a few people which makes me so very nervous and it makes me sweat haha!

I am now 3lb from being in the 12st bracket and eve though I'm not getting weighed next Monday, I'm hoping the Monday after I will be in that stone bracket. I will probably cry with glee because I can't remember the last time I seen the number 12 on the scales (apart from in the lb section). I'm off plan Saturday and slightly on Sunday as my little brother turns 16 this weekend but after that I mean business I will get that 3lb off. I've weighed myself this morning and I have lost 1/4 of a lb since Monday which is good because I only got back on plan Wednesday so it just goes to show.


Ashley comes tonight and I'm so excited to see him, he's only been gone since Tuesday! I just hate being apart from him and those that are in long distance relationships will understand that. I'm so lucky to have him and his support, it means the world to me.

I hope you all have a great weekend, heres to another great week!

If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit join our club!

So since I last posted on here this is what has happened.. 

• I received an email off Slimming World to enter the Greatest Loser 2015 national competition.
• I was announced my groups Greatest Loser 2015 (I get it Monday)
• I purchased a new coat finally! No more pulling strings in!! Although the new coat is a pain in the arse because it marks quite easily trust me to pick a creamy coloured coat.
• I've been told I can sit my maths test on the 25th March (eeeeeek)!!
• I swapped my nose stud for a nose ring!
• I've swapped fizzy pop for juice.
• One of our dogs has had puppies! 

When I got a new coat in 2013 vs my new coat 2015!

So yeah they are just a few things that have happened. Quite exciting really, well some of them. I was so excited to receive the email off Slimming World but I don't think I'll meet criteria just yet but it was worth a shot hey?! I need to lose 2lb on Monday and I'm feeling very positive because I've had such a good week on plan. I had a cheeky look on our scales and they say I'm lighter than when I weighed at group last week which is awesome because theres 2lb difference I have to subtract 2 from ours because they are crap haha. I know I shouldn't weigh and this is the first time I've done it this week it's showing a 3lb loss and it's only Saturday anything is possible! As long as I've lost 2lb I couldn't care as I really want my 10 and a half stone award it will make collecting my Greatest Loser 2015 award that much better. I think my weight loss has started getting better again as I'm no longer on medication and I'm not drinking fizzy pop everyday I'm filling my minnie mouse flask type bottle up with juice and I feel so much better for it.

My not so little brother turns 16 next weekend, so I won't be getting weighed monday 23rd. I want to have a nice weekend and not worry about having cake etc. I know I should go on the monday and face a gain but I don't see why I should pay £5 to do so. I will be staying on plan up until and after his birthday I'm not making the christmas mistake all over again. I will be instructing people to tell me off if I even attempt christmas all over again.

So excited that it's Sunday tomorrow, I'm seeing my love for a few days even though I'm in placement booooo!! :(  but Monday night he gets to see me pick my awards up and it will be nice having him there. We are also going to to Turtle Bay after weigh in for Jamaican food, can't wait!

I hope you all have a great weekend and week a head.

February blues.

February has been an awful month for me so far, so I'm sorry I haven't blogged since the beginning of the month. My weight loss has been awful but this for once isn't my fault, I'm on medication at the moment have been for two weeks and will be for a further week they finish next Tuesday. This medication unfortunately makes you gain weight and boy have I suffered. I gained half a pound for some unknown reason the week before I got them but then the following week I maintained (I got weighed at a group in Stoke) then this week I gained a massive three and a half pound I was in bits over that because I was only one pound away from my next award and now I'm four and a half pound away from it. It's so frustrating but I want to get better first and then hopefully what I have gained because of the tablets I can get back off again. Even though I've stuck to plan completely and knew I'd have a gain I still crumbled because it is so disheartening. I broke down crying to my consultant and she said to treat it as a maintain as the medication will be making me carry so much water. I'm hoping that next week isn't another gain as I don't finish the tablets until Tuesday so we shall see. I've started doing some body magic too, I did twenty minutes on the bike last night as well as five minutes kettlebell workout, I was absolutely shattered.

It was half term last week I spent nine lovely days with Ashley, I didn't want it to end Sunday and I miss him terribly now as I don't see him until Sunday. It was so lovely being with him for that amount of time we went on lots of walks and spent most of our time in the supermarkets (that's normal for us!) At least next week I get to see him longer, which makes me extremely happy.

I hope you've all had a great week so far and enjoy your weekends.

February.

February is bittersweet for me at the moment, as today is the 1 year anniversary of my Auntie Sonya's death. It seriously doesn't feel like a year already, it's gone so fast. It's been a struggle but I'm just doing my best to try and make her proud. I know she won't want me to be sad and upset so I shall try my best.

Last night was my first weigh in of February, I picked up slimmer of the month for January which I'm really chuffed about as I lost 11.5lb last month. I lost 1lb last night but I needed 1.5lb for my next award, I even went for an extra wee and took my socks off! It didn't help lol. So next week I want that! I currently weigh 13st 4.5lb I'm so close to the 12st bracket it's exciting!! I'm such a big fan of the new hifi light bars that have come into group the 'rhubarb crumble and custard' ones. They taste so good! If you have a sweet tooth and love rhubarb you'll adore them. I've planned all the meals for the week and done the shopping list for tomorrow. I've been really poorly hence why it was a small loss this week, I've been popping tablets like they are going out of fashion, I wasn't able to go in college or placement I was that bad. I'm on the mend now and was in placement this week and have college tomorrow. I'm so tired though and I still have a cough and cold, but somehow I think my immune system is just going to have to man up as children are walking flu machines!

I'm going to spend my night watching the football and reading the latest slimming world magazine for inspiration. I hope you all have a great week.

Everything is coming up Milhouse!

Well sort of. I'm all over the place at the minute completely missing Ashley, not being able to see him this weekend has broken me. I didn't realise how much sadness it makes me feel when I can't see him as since August 2013 (a month after we got together I've seen him every weekend without fail). It sucks being away from him but it makes me love him so much more because I know when I see him Friday I'll be happy and content once again. I can't possibly explain how much he means to me, I never thought I would ever fall in love, let alone with somebody so amazing as he is. It makes me feel so very lucky, he stands by me through everything I know he's always got my back. I trust him with my life and I know sometimes he probably wants to strangle me because I am a difficult cow and I don't mean to be but he stays when he doesn't have to. I'm trying to be an awesome girlfriend but it's a difficult role to play when you've never had somebody stick around for so long. He's my longest relationship and I intend on keeping him forever, providing he stays.

I lost 2.5lb at weigh in tonight, 2lb left of my christmas gain to lose and 3lb until I get my 10.5st award. I'm so happy I'm finally almost back on track, I can then look forward to getting to target. My placement for college is going extremely well too, I've started doing observations on the children and the manager and staff in the rooms are really pleased with how well I'm doing so much so they are fighting for me to be in their rooms! The deputy manager spoke to me today and said I could do my level 3 with them which means I'll have a job come September as long as it is cleared and gets the ok with the actual manager. I'm so excited to be appreciated for what I'm doing and knowing I'm doing it well. It's so rewarding working with children and they amaze me everyday I'm there, I learn so much about them and myself. I can't wait to do it as my job, I'm going to be the best I can be. From everything I've been through I never in my life thought I'd catch a break, I never thought people would treat me like a normal human being and not be horrible to me. Instead I'm being told I'm lovely and how great I am at what I do, it's very overwhelming. The life I've lived is so very different from the life I'm living now. I now know what happiness feels like, I know what love feels like and I can now begin to trust people but I still keep my whits about me because I won't just trust people straight away as I will always question it. It's strange to think how differently people treat you after losing so much weight and it's sad really. I had terrible things shouted at me when I walked down main roads from people in cars, yet now I can walk down a road and I don't get 'fat bastard' 'go home you fat bitch' nothing. I always prepare myself for it, yet it never happens. If this is what our society is like around larger people it makes me feel extremely ashamed of those people that feel the need to go out of their way to ruin somebody else's day. When I've been upset in the past I've dealt with my problems by self harming but now if I have a problem it may take me a while but I will eventually speak to Ashley about it. He never judges me, he just listens. I still feel like people are staring at me but now I just think its because I have an extremely hot boyfriend and they probably think he's way out of my league but I don't care he's mine and I'm proud.


I hope you are all having a great week.

Hello 2015.

This is my first post of 2015 and we are already 2 weeks (and a bit) into the year. This year is going to be very important to me, there are so many things I want to achieve and I know with all the support I have around me that I will achieve them. This year I want to reach target, I'm not dead on sure what I want my target weight to be. I'm ranging between 9st 7lb and 10st but not sure where, my consultant wants me on the stage this year being crowned Slimming Worlds 'Woman of The Year 2015' (a girl can dream right?) it would be amazing to even get a sniff of that opportunity. At Christmas I became a human disposal truck, I ate whatever I could which meant tubs of Roses etc YES I ATE THEM BY THE TUB, don't judge I did share. I wish I hadn't done so though as it meant me gaining a whopping 12lb, I have lost 7.5lb of that now but I still need to lose 4.5lb to get back to pre-christmas weight and means I'm now 5.5lb away from my 10 and a half stone award, which I was only 1lb away before I ate myself into a food coma over Christmas. I'm not going to dwell on it even if I do regret it, life happens. I'm excited to get it all off so I can start fresh and get to target!

Now we are in January it means this year I will be finishing my course and in 11 weeks time I'll be finishing my placement. I'm enjoying it so much, theres been a few bumps in the road but I've over come them just like I've over come everything else that's happened on the journey of getting where I am now. I'm going to have to do GCSE Maths for a year once I finish in order for me to get on to the Level 3 course but I'm willing to put all the hard work in because I want to one day own and run my own successful day nursery. It's my biggest dream and I know it will be the hardest and most stressful thing I will ever do but if I want to be successful then I will plow through it. I need to learn to stop worrying about things so much this year and stand up for myself and what I believe in. I think thats one of my main goals, I've always worried about what people think of me and what they might say but I need to keep telling myself I'm okay with me so everybody else should be too and if they are not okay with me, then that's their bloody problem! Not mine.

I turn 24 this year, that's quite scary. But it's ages away yet. I want to try new things, whether that be making new slimming world recipes or going different places and doing different activities. I'll have been with Ashley for 2 years in July too which is exciting, he's my longest boyfriend EVER. I'm aiming to get to target for August so we can enjoy our first holiday in the sun together :) I'm still so very much in love with him and very very happy. I've seen so much of him lately too which has been absolutely amazing. I'm also getting to see him tomorrow too, which makes me extremely happy! I promised him slimming world bacon burgers with bbq relish for tea, it's awesome that he likes the slimming world meals I make. It makes him really supportive as we love cooking together and making a moohassive bomb site of the kitchen.

I'll be doing a post on the things I love to eat on slimming world (whether it be boxed or packet) when I get a chance. I hope you all had a brilliant Christmas and New Year and are ready to grab 2015 by the balls and make it yours!