I'd been unhappy for a very long time, I'd also battled with my weight for a very long time. I think the last time I was slim I was 5 years old. I was a chunky child, an over weight teenager and a very over weight adult. Food was my comfort blanket, I enjoyed it until it made me feel sick. I hated going shopping for clothes as I dreaded in the changing rooms looking at myself in the mirror. I remember when prom came around at high school and my mum took me to Evans to buy me a dress (I never wore dresses) and the only ones that fitted me were the ones your grandma would wear. I stood and looked at myself in the mirror and I got really upset. I took it off and refused to try on any more dresses. I ended up going to prom in a pair of white cotton trousers and a baggy tunic top, whilst all the other girls looked beautiful in their prom dresses. I was miserable, I finished school and went to college I was picked on throughout college for 2 years. People said it was because I was too nice, I don't see how being nice is a problem but clearly to those girls it was. I was picked on in school so to have to deal with it again in college made life hell. Who'd have thought girls could be so cruel? When I finished college I went into a deep dark depression, I shut everybody off. Anxiety hit me like a tonne of bricks, I wouldn't leave the house, I was snappy, I comfort ate and I self harmed. My life was out of control, I didn't feel like it was my life anymore. The depression and anxiety destroyed every last piece of me. I had a boyfriend that cheated on me, I stayed with him even though I didn't want to because I thought nobody would ever love me or want me. It took me a while but in June 2012 I decided to get rid of him and cut him out of my life, even though that meant all the awful looks I get off his family members now (I don't think he told them what he did). In July 2012 I decided I didn't want to be fat anymore I wanted to feel good and I wanted some happiness so with the support of my mum I joined slimming world. I was so so scared but I will never ever look back, it's changed my life and I've gained so much from it. In July 2013 a year after I joined I met Ashley who I've been with for nearly 2 years, finally somebody who actually loved me and wasn't going to hurt me. The bond we have is beautiful, I couldn't ask for anybody more perfect. He's loyal, supportive, kind and beautiful inside and out. You could say life is pretty good now, after being inside the house for 5 years I'm doing well. I do have panics still when going out and I do worry about what other people think but it's not as scary as I thought. I went back to college and I'm almost finished, I'm hoping to have a job next year doing something I love and I am passionate about. I'm 1lb away from losing 11st, I never in a million years thought I'd lose 1st let alone 11.
Don't give up, don't make excuses, if I can do it so can you!
