So today my mum mentioned something she had noticed with me and it made me realise how far I've actually come since being diagnosed with depression and anxiety. She mentioned that normally I'd avoid main roads and now I walk down them without even thinking about it. For me this was a big thing because I hated the thought of people driving past and staring at me or even worse shouting abuse from their car windows (which happened quite a lot). It just proves how much losing weight is helping me, my confidence is slowly blossoming and it feels amazing. I still constantly battle with my thoughts when I'm outside, like when I go shopping with Ashley and people glance at me. I automatically go into panic mood of thinking "What will they be thinking about me?".. "They probably think I'm a fat pig and ugly".. "They can see the hairs on my neck".. Things like this are the things that make me shy away from socialising environments. I need to train my mind to think positive thoughts instead of negative all the time but it really is hard. I also mentioned to my mum that I'm terrified of starting college in September even though it's something I really want to do. I'm terrified I won't make any friends and I'll spend the 2 years on my own. I've not had any real friends in a long time, so it's going to be a big step for me. I know I can do it and I know not everybody is going to like me but that's life. I have just under 7 months to prepare myself, I refuse to back out last minute because I'm scared. I also have to get on to the course first!
I'm really looking forward to this weekend, Ashley is on his way here as I'm typing this post. We are going to the cinema Saturday afternoon to watch the new Captain America film, as I promised my not so little brother (he's taller than me) that I'd take him for his birthday which was last Saturday. I'm also getting my Pandora bracelet back that had been sent off for repair 5/6 weeks ago. I'm also possibly getting a new iPhone! My current iPhone is a piece of poo. I've had a great week on Slimming World, so hopefully it will show on Monday. I'm praying I've lost 2lb but if not there's always the week after.
I hope you all enjoy your weekends with whatever you are doing.
Congratulations for coming so far! I too suffered and still suffer (not as much now tho) with depression and anxiety altho mine came from having cancer. It's amazing what I can do now and how I have got my independence back! Still I get my wobbly days, these last couple of days I've felt really anxious but I know that will pass I just need to distract myself. Ppl try to help by giving tips etc and asking what is it I'm anxious about so I can rationalise it but there isn't anything. My best friend who experiences the same thing and my bf just give me a massive hug, it really does help and then they help to try and distract me. Anything that works for you is great, different things work for different people. Keep up whatever you're doing as you are doing so well! Xx
ReplyDeleteThank you lovely! And you too, it's not an easy thing to deal with but sometimes a big hug makes it feel a little less hard I suppose. I'm so glad you have your independence back and are doing better, it helps me knowing if somebody else can get through it then so can I. My problem is I get upset really easily because of everything I've been through, I'm a constant bag of nerves so I don't want to go to college and become a nervous wreck. Hopefully it won't be like that xx
DeleteI follow you on instagram and the first half of this blog entry made me cry because it'a exactly the same thing I do when i'm out in public. Epsecially if i'm on my own. When i'm with the kids i'm not as bad cause I pretend i'm the strongest and most confident person ever, they are like a safe guard for me. Totally different when I am alone though. :(
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