February blues.

February has been an awful month for me so far, so I'm sorry I haven't blogged since the beginning of the month. My weight loss has been awful but this for once isn't my fault, I'm on medication at the moment have been for two weeks and will be for a further week they finish next Tuesday. This medication unfortunately makes you gain weight and boy have I suffered. I gained half a pound for some unknown reason the week before I got them but then the following week I maintained (I got weighed at a group in Stoke) then this week I gained a massive three and a half pound I was in bits over that because I was only one pound away from my next award and now I'm four and a half pound away from it. It's so frustrating but I want to get better first and then hopefully what I have gained because of the tablets I can get back off again. Even though I've stuck to plan completely and knew I'd have a gain I still crumbled because it is so disheartening. I broke down crying to my consultant and she said to treat it as a maintain as the medication will be making me carry so much water. I'm hoping that next week isn't another gain as I don't finish the tablets until Tuesday so we shall see. I've started doing some body magic too, I did twenty minutes on the bike last night as well as five minutes kettlebell workout, I was absolutely shattered.

It was half term last week I spent nine lovely days with Ashley, I didn't want it to end Sunday and I miss him terribly now as I don't see him until Sunday. It was so lovely being with him for that amount of time we went on lots of walks and spent most of our time in the supermarkets (that's normal for us!) At least next week I get to see him longer, which makes me extremely happy.

I hope you've all had a great week so far and enjoy your weekends.

February.

February is bittersweet for me at the moment, as today is the 1 year anniversary of my Auntie Sonya's death. It seriously doesn't feel like a year already, it's gone so fast. It's been a struggle but I'm just doing my best to try and make her proud. I know she won't want me to be sad and upset so I shall try my best.

Last night was my first weigh in of February, I picked up slimmer of the month for January which I'm really chuffed about as I lost 11.5lb last month. I lost 1lb last night but I needed 1.5lb for my next award, I even went for an extra wee and took my socks off! It didn't help lol. So next week I want that! I currently weigh 13st 4.5lb I'm so close to the 12st bracket it's exciting!! I'm such a big fan of the new hifi light bars that have come into group the 'rhubarb crumble and custard' ones. They taste so good! If you have a sweet tooth and love rhubarb you'll adore them. I've planned all the meals for the week and done the shopping list for tomorrow. I've been really poorly hence why it was a small loss this week, I've been popping tablets like they are going out of fashion, I wasn't able to go in college or placement I was that bad. I'm on the mend now and was in placement this week and have college tomorrow. I'm so tired though and I still have a cough and cold, but somehow I think my immune system is just going to have to man up as children are walking flu machines!

I'm going to spend my night watching the football and reading the latest slimming world magazine for inspiration. I hope you all have a great week.

Everything is coming up Milhouse!

Well sort of. I'm all over the place at the minute completely missing Ashley, not being able to see him this weekend has broken me. I didn't realise how much sadness it makes me feel when I can't see him as since August 2013 (a month after we got together I've seen him every weekend without fail). It sucks being away from him but it makes me love him so much more because I know when I see him Friday I'll be happy and content once again. I can't possibly explain how much he means to me, I never thought I would ever fall in love, let alone with somebody so amazing as he is. It makes me feel so very lucky, he stands by me through everything I know he's always got my back. I trust him with my life and I know sometimes he probably wants to strangle me because I am a difficult cow and I don't mean to be but he stays when he doesn't have to. I'm trying to be an awesome girlfriend but it's a difficult role to play when you've never had somebody stick around for so long. He's my longest relationship and I intend on keeping him forever, providing he stays.

I lost 2.5lb at weigh in tonight, 2lb left of my christmas gain to lose and 3lb until I get my 10.5st award. I'm so happy I'm finally almost back on track, I can then look forward to getting to target. My placement for college is going extremely well too, I've started doing observations on the children and the manager and staff in the rooms are really pleased with how well I'm doing so much so they are fighting for me to be in their rooms! The deputy manager spoke to me today and said I could do my level 3 with them which means I'll have a job come September as long as it is cleared and gets the ok with the actual manager. I'm so excited to be appreciated for what I'm doing and knowing I'm doing it well. It's so rewarding working with children and they amaze me everyday I'm there, I learn so much about them and myself. I can't wait to do it as my job, I'm going to be the best I can be. From everything I've been through I never in my life thought I'd catch a break, I never thought people would treat me like a normal human being and not be horrible to me. Instead I'm being told I'm lovely and how great I am at what I do, it's very overwhelming. The life I've lived is so very different from the life I'm living now. I now know what happiness feels like, I know what love feels like and I can now begin to trust people but I still keep my whits about me because I won't just trust people straight away as I will always question it. It's strange to think how differently people treat you after losing so much weight and it's sad really. I had terrible things shouted at me when I walked down main roads from people in cars, yet now I can walk down a road and I don't get 'fat bastard' 'go home you fat bitch' nothing. I always prepare myself for it, yet it never happens. If this is what our society is like around larger people it makes me feel extremely ashamed of those people that feel the need to go out of their way to ruin somebody else's day. When I've been upset in the past I've dealt with my problems by self harming but now if I have a problem it may take me a while but I will eventually speak to Ashley about it. He never judges me, he just listens. I still feel like people are staring at me but now I just think its because I have an extremely hot boyfriend and they probably think he's way out of my league but I don't care he's mine and I'm proud.


I hope you are all having a great week.

Hello 2015.

This is my first post of 2015 and we are already 2 weeks (and a bit) into the year. This year is going to be very important to me, there are so many things I want to achieve and I know with all the support I have around me that I will achieve them. This year I want to reach target, I'm not dead on sure what I want my target weight to be. I'm ranging between 9st 7lb and 10st but not sure where, my consultant wants me on the stage this year being crowned Slimming Worlds 'Woman of The Year 2015' (a girl can dream right?) it would be amazing to even get a sniff of that opportunity. At Christmas I became a human disposal truck, I ate whatever I could which meant tubs of Roses etc YES I ATE THEM BY THE TUB, don't judge I did share. I wish I hadn't done so though as it meant me gaining a whopping 12lb, I have lost 7.5lb of that now but I still need to lose 4.5lb to get back to pre-christmas weight and means I'm now 5.5lb away from my 10 and a half stone award, which I was only 1lb away before I ate myself into a food coma over Christmas. I'm not going to dwell on it even if I do regret it, life happens. I'm excited to get it all off so I can start fresh and get to target!

Now we are in January it means this year I will be finishing my course and in 11 weeks time I'll be finishing my placement. I'm enjoying it so much, theres been a few bumps in the road but I've over come them just like I've over come everything else that's happened on the journey of getting where I am now. I'm going to have to do GCSE Maths for a year once I finish in order for me to get on to the Level 3 course but I'm willing to put all the hard work in because I want to one day own and run my own successful day nursery. It's my biggest dream and I know it will be the hardest and most stressful thing I will ever do but if I want to be successful then I will plow through it. I need to learn to stop worrying about things so much this year and stand up for myself and what I believe in. I think thats one of my main goals, I've always worried about what people think of me and what they might say but I need to keep telling myself I'm okay with me so everybody else should be too and if they are not okay with me, then that's their bloody problem! Not mine.

I turn 24 this year, that's quite scary. But it's ages away yet. I want to try new things, whether that be making new slimming world recipes or going different places and doing different activities. I'll have been with Ashley for 2 years in July too which is exciting, he's my longest boyfriend EVER. I'm aiming to get to target for August so we can enjoy our first holiday in the sun together :) I'm still so very much in love with him and very very happy. I've seen so much of him lately too which has been absolutely amazing. I'm also getting to see him tomorrow too, which makes me extremely happy! I promised him slimming world bacon burgers with bbq relish for tea, it's awesome that he likes the slimming world meals I make. It makes him really supportive as we love cooking together and making a moohassive bomb site of the kitchen.

I'll be doing a post on the things I love to eat on slimming world (whether it be boxed or packet) when I get a chance. I hope you all had a brilliant Christmas and New Year and are ready to grab 2015 by the balls and make it yours!  

Merry Christmas.

Today is my last weigh in before Christmas, I am nervous because I've been good but I don't think I've lost anything. Infact I think I have gained which is quite deeply disappointing but I've got my Christmas wish which was to get my 10st award, I also had a cheeky 5.5lb off on top of that which makes me 1.5lb away from next award. I'm not going to bank on receiving that tonight but if I do I'll be extremely made up. I said I was only going to have 4 days off plan over Christmas but I've changed my mind I'm not going to go over board but if I fancy something I will have it. I'm still going to be having slimming world meals so that counts for something, right?

I'm so excited for Christmas day,I get to spend it with my family but my dad has to go to work at 7pm which isn't fair at all. This is going to be a strange Christmas for us this year, as we won't be spending it with my Auntie Sonya who sadly passed away at the beginning of this year.We have always had Christmas dinner with my Auntie and Uncle but sadly thats not going to be the case this year. My Uncle isn't going to be spending it with us either as he is in a care home with Dementia. So this year is going to be tough and there will probably be a few tears. Myself and Ashley are going to be facetiming when he gets home from work which will be torture not being able to open presents all day haha! But we did it last year so it's important to us that we do it again this year as I like seeing his reaction to the presents I've got him. I'm spending Boxing Day at Ashleys which is going to be so much fun because his mum has ordered so much food. I'm foaming at the mouth just thinking of it all. I love food and I'm not going to deny myself any, Christmas comes but once a year so it isn't going to make me gain the 10st that I've lost.

I've had such an incredible weekend, I went to watch the final Hobbit movie in 3D with Ashley. Omg if you haven't been to see it yet, you need to! It was amazing. I filled up, laughed and got a little bit excited sometimes haha. I'm so sad it's all over now. I'm off college and placement for 2 weeks which is great but I do miss the two lovely ladies on my course that I sit with. It's nice to be able to make friends after being so scared of doing so for the past 5 years.

I'm excited to see what 2015 brings me, I just hope it doesn't bring any pain after what 2014 has brought me. Losing my Auntie on top of a lot of other things has been very difficult but I want 2015 to be brighter and happier thats all I can wish and pray for. I send you all my love and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and New Year and all your dreams come true. I probably won't be blogging until after the New Year now as I don't think I'll have the time. I shall try and make time!

So much temptation.

I seriously don't know how I'm surviving right now. So much chocolate and biscuits etc in the house and I'm sat here having just put two eggs in to boil so I don't eat anything bad. I have two weigh in's left until christmas and I want to do well on both so I can enjoy my christmas. It's so frustrating though I hate saying no to chocolate, I look forward to monday nights after weigh in so much so I can eat like a complete and utter pig and not feel guilty. It's soul destroying having tubs of quality streets knowing I can't touch them because once I have 1 I'll want the tub. I shall stick to my 1 syn advent calendar chocolate every morning. I just wish I could be one of those people that can say bugger it it's christmas but I'm too scared to gain weight, it's a nightmare. I will be enjoying christmas day etc though because I think I deserve it.

This blog post is preventing me from scoffing so I'm sorry if this makes you want to eat all the food in your house. Just do what I'm doing two boiled eggs! Your arse may stink all night but at least you won't gain weight! Monday is only 2 days away, I'm looking forward to going out for tea Monday night and eating/drinking what I want.

I hope you've all had a great week and weekend. Good luck for next weeks weigh in's.

Another one bites the dust.

So tonight was weigh in and I lost 1lb, I'm super happy about this because I've not had losses for 7 weeks on the bounce for ages! Shows the plan still is working for me, I'm putting the work in and I'm getting losses back. They may not be big losses but to me they are. I've just pigged out not going to lie, but I shall be back on plan first thing in the morning. I've just made a quick syn free stir-fry for my dinner tomorrow at placement. I'm really looking forward to the Christmas holidays, only 2 more weeks to go after this week. I need to start finishing my christmas shopping now, I've still got so much left to do. I'm not worrying about the Christmas period this year I'm going to enjoy my 4 days off plan (Christmas day, Boxing day, New years eve and New years day) if I gain, I gain. It will be nothing to how much I've lost already.

I know every post consists of my boyfriend but this weekend has been so lovely. I've never been able to give my full attention to somebody for so long. May that because I've been cheated on or I just lose interest really easily. This time it's so completely different, I can't lose interest. Every bit of our relationship is exciting. A trip to Morrisons for some dinner is fun because he isn't boring and he makes me laugh until it hurts. I don't think anybody could possibly understand the connection and bond we have. He makes me feel like a princess but he also keeps me on my toes, I've never in my life met somebody that could make me so happy and feel so in love as I do with Ashley. I'd do anything in the world for him and I know he'd do the same, he's always got my back when everything feels too much for me. He's my bestest friend in the whole wide world and I never want to be without him. I know this may sound soppy and I'm a lot soppier than him because he will only ever tell me how he feels but I wouldn't give him up for all the money in the world.

I hope your all your weeks go well and weigh in's too.