Everything is coming up Milhouse!

Well sort of. I'm all over the place at the minute completely missing Ashley, not being able to see him this weekend has broken me. I didn't realise how much sadness it makes me feel when I can't see him as since August 2013 (a month after we got together I've seen him every weekend without fail). It sucks being away from him but it makes me love him so much more because I know when I see him Friday I'll be happy and content once again. I can't possibly explain how much he means to me, I never thought I would ever fall in love, let alone with somebody so amazing as he is. It makes me feel so very lucky, he stands by me through everything I know he's always got my back. I trust him with my life and I know sometimes he probably wants to strangle me because I am a difficult cow and I don't mean to be but he stays when he doesn't have to. I'm trying to be an awesome girlfriend but it's a difficult role to play when you've never had somebody stick around for so long. He's my longest relationship and I intend on keeping him forever, providing he stays.

I lost 2.5lb at weigh in tonight, 2lb left of my christmas gain to lose and 3lb until I get my 10.5st award. I'm so happy I'm finally almost back on track, I can then look forward to getting to target. My placement for college is going extremely well too, I've started doing observations on the children and the manager and staff in the rooms are really pleased with how well I'm doing so much so they are fighting for me to be in their rooms! The deputy manager spoke to me today and said I could do my level 3 with them which means I'll have a job come September as long as it is cleared and gets the ok with the actual manager. I'm so excited to be appreciated for what I'm doing and knowing I'm doing it well. It's so rewarding working with children and they amaze me everyday I'm there, I learn so much about them and myself. I can't wait to do it as my job, I'm going to be the best I can be. From everything I've been through I never in my life thought I'd catch a break, I never thought people would treat me like a normal human being and not be horrible to me. Instead I'm being told I'm lovely and how great I am at what I do, it's very overwhelming. The life I've lived is so very different from the life I'm living now. I now know what happiness feels like, I know what love feels like and I can now begin to trust people but I still keep my whits about me because I won't just trust people straight away as I will always question it. It's strange to think how differently people treat you after losing so much weight and it's sad really. I had terrible things shouted at me when I walked down main roads from people in cars, yet now I can walk down a road and I don't get 'fat bastard' 'go home you fat bitch' nothing. I always prepare myself for it, yet it never happens. If this is what our society is like around larger people it makes me feel extremely ashamed of those people that feel the need to go out of their way to ruin somebody else's day. When I've been upset in the past I've dealt with my problems by self harming but now if I have a problem it may take me a while but I will eventually speak to Ashley about it. He never judges me, he just listens. I still feel like people are staring at me but now I just think its because I have an extremely hot boyfriend and they probably think he's way out of my league but I don't care he's mine and I'm proud.


I hope you are all having a great week.