Climbing back on the horse even when it throws you off.

I've been thinking all day about how I was going to do this post, I know I didn't do a before weigh in post but this one will include everything that's happened over the past 4 days. I'll start with weigh in first though. Last night was weigh in and I felt positive after lots of walking over the weekend in the lovely sunshine. I stepped on the scales thinking I'd be so happy and I'd be in the next stone bracket and possibly have my 9 stone award, but I didn't. Instead I had gained what I had lost the week before 2.5lb, I tried to keep myself together but I was so angry so I cried. I left group without speaking to my consultant because she was busy giving new member talks and I didn't want to stay but I had left my new comparison picture with her. I got home, still crying and ate a tub of ice-cream. I got it all out of my system but I still felt like giving up because it just didn't feel like it was working for me anymore. The messages on Instagram were flooding in and I read them and cried more because even though I had a slight blip everybody's support means the absolute world to me. These are people I've never met in my life but they still made me feel that bit better. I also received a message on my slimming world groups, group on Facebook off a lovely lady I met when I first started my journey. My consultant had shown my comparison picture to the group, all the comments I got on the group were so lovely. I couldn't be sad anymore, it only made me more determined. These people are calling me an inspiration, what good would I be if I just gave up every time my body doesn't want to play ball? So today was a new day, I'm going back to the 5 syns and under rule for the week because it worked for me last time. I'm also drinking water instead of Pepsi Max to stop me from feeling so bloated. To cheer myself up I got myself a hooded top from Asda so I had something thin to wear whilst it's so warm, I tried a 16 on first and it fit perfectly. The happiness I got from trying an item of clothing on made the gain last night seem so small. From being a size 28 and worrying about things fitting to now trying on size 16/14 and them fitting makes me so happy.

Also a lady commented on my post last night on Instagram and said to list things I've achieved that have nothing to do with the scales, so I'm going to do that on here.

1. Clothes sizes - I no longer have to go straight to the plus size department in a store because I fit into the clothes that are in department with a bigger range of clothes instead of having to only wear stuff in the plus size range because that's all that fits. I've gone from a size 26/28 to 14/16.
2. Ashley - having a boyfriend who supports my journey is amazing, he's my biggest pick me up. I've come out of my shell a lot since meeting him. He puts up with me being a big grumpy bum far more than he should, but I'm glad he's stayed because I wouldn't be where I am now if didn't come along.
3. Going out - Since losing weight and meeting Ashley, I've started to leave the house a lot more. My anxiety is still really bad, I'm anxious and think people are looking at me and laughing all the time. But it's no where near as bad as it use to be. I'm still on medication for my anxiety and I'm still a paranoid polly but I'm trying my hardest to beat it.
4. Applying for college - I'd never in a million years thought I'd be going back to college again, especially after what had happened the last time. I have an interview this Thursday and I'm terrified but I'm also excited, it's what I want to do. I'm still worried I won't make friends and nobody will like me but this is a chance I've got to take.
5. Busy places - This is also connected to going out but it's kind of different. I have a phobia because of my anxiety of being in busy places (town, beaches, shopping centers etc). But I'm doing the scariest but most exciting thing in the world in August, I'm going to Leeds Fest with Ashley and his friends. I can't wait!

I'm determined for a big loss next week but I'm not going to put myself in a panic over it and I'm going to take it easy on myself. What will be, will be.

This weekend has been one of the best weekends I've had a long time, I went to Southport Beach with Ashley for the first time on Saturday, it was busy and the sun was shining. We had a slimming world picnic on the beach and even had a walk into the sea. On Sunday we went to Etherow Country Park and walked over 4 miles around the whole park, climbing over fences and up mucky paths. A lot of body magic and I was burnt but I've never had so much fun and I felt free. We had lunch on a bench over looking a beautiful view of hills, cows and trees. I didn't want the weekend to end. I won't be seeing Ashley until Sunday now, but that means I see him Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and then only have to wait Wednesday, Thursday until I see him again on Friday! Every cloud ay...

I hope you all have a lovely week and make the most of this beautiful weather and I hope all your weigh in's go well and you get the losses you deserve.