It's been too long.

I'm so sorry I haven't posted since August! Life has been pretty hectic, tough also. I recently started college and I'm really enjoying it so far. I've ate so much food, some of which has been not so good for me. But I'm back on track now! I had a lovely break in London last month with Ashley, I gained 13.5lb but lost 10 and a half of it the week after which was an awesome moment. I didn't go to group this week as I've not been feeling myself and have been really poorly. I've drank volvic lemon and lime water (sugar free of course) like it's going out of fashion.
Last week I went to the opticians for my eyes checked because I haven't had them checked in over 2 years. The lady noticed I squint quite a lot when I'm looking at things far away. She then told me I'm short sighted which was quite amusing to hear because I've never had a problem with my eyes before but I suppose spending so much time in front of a computer has finally taken its tole! So I'm now the proud owner of some very geek chic spectacles!
I'm still very much in love with Ashley, we've been together for a year and 3 months today.
Christmas is getting so close now! I'm so excited, I love the fact it's cold as I love wearing jumpers. The fire is blaring every night and the heating gets turned on in the mornings so winter is definitely coming!
Last month I finally got to meet 3 of my favourite slimming worlders, one of which I have known since I was 16/17 but never got the chance to meet. I met Emma, Katie and James. We went to Liverpool where Em was staying with her lovely friend Shirley and we all went to Nando's it was amazing night, it was nice because they got to meet Ashley too!

I'm really hoping for a good loss on Monday, I also start my placement at a private day care nursery which I'm really nervous about. I hope it goes well.
Hope you are all well.

The long overdue catch up.

I have been AWOL for a few weeks, I needed a little break and just have time to myself. My weight loss had been a little crap to be honest. I built myself up to get my 9 and a half stone award and crumbled because I gained after being so good. But last week I did get it, I lost 1lb at another group which is in Stoke. I went in very nervous but the consultant was absolutely lovely, she made me feel so welcome as did her group members. When I told her I was visiting she asked how I have been doing and when I told her how much I'd lost she was amazed and asked if I had any before and after pictures. I shown her my latest one and a few of her members had a look too and they were so lovely and gave me so many compliments. I can't wait to go back to their group again! Which will be in 2 weeks time. It's a morning group too which I find better because I hate having to wait all day to eat properly. I missed weigh in last week due to being at Leeds Fest until Monday morning and I went straight to Ashley's so I booked a holiday. I know I would have gained which I'm fine with but hopefully being back on plan this week will have lightened the load.

Leeds Festival was absolutely incredible, we lived like tramps for the weekend but I can now die happy after seeing my favorite men perform live (ARCTIC MONKEYS). The whole weekend was just amazing, I've seen so many bands some of which I never really thought I'd enjoy but I did. On the Friday the best moments for me were seeing Macklemore & Ryan Lewis and Blink 182. Saturday was Papa Roach and Paramore (I felt 13 again) and Sunday, well, Sunday was the best bloody day! Imagine Dragons were just amazing, Jake Bugg and then the reason I wanted to go to the festival in the first place Arctic Monkeys they closed the whole weekend with such an amazing performance. I danced my sore little feet off and sang every song. It made being smelly and people throwing urine in cups every where worth while. I really hope the line up next year is amazing as I'd love to go again.

I hope you all have a brilliant weekend and you've not missed me too much.

So apprehensive!!!

So I've completed a full week of red days and I'm just hoping that I've done enough to get a good loss this week especially after the half a pound gain last week. I don't feel bloated, I feel like I've done enough but whether I have or not is down to the scales tonight. I'm currently cooking butternut squash circles so I can make a ham butty for my dinner! Butternut squash is an awesome substitute for bread and it gives you extra super free. I will let you know how I do on instagram later and I will do a blog post tomorrow at some point. I really want to be in my 13's by next week because we go to Leeds fest but to do that I need to lose 6lb (which would make me 13.13 and 1/2) and I some how don't think that's going to happen but I have 2 weigh in's to do it.

I'm feeling a bit sad today, really missing Ashley. I miss him normally after spending the weekend with him anyway but I miss him more so today. I had such a lovely weekend in Stoke, we used the remaining Morrisons vouchers I had (£20 worth) we got so much fruit and veg. I literally have ate my body weight in fruit since Thursday ha ha. Hopefully that is a good thing! We also played with Lego as we built the DeLorean I got him for our anniversary, it's rather awesome. The drive home last night was a bit scary we saw loads of police and ambulances on the A500 because a car was turned over and had gone into a tree it looked so bad! The rain and wind was terrible but today is really sunny with some heavy winds. I'm back in Stoke at the weekend so hopefully the weather will have cheered up and we will have a nice weekend.

I hope you all have a great week and weigh in goes smoothly.

Late update!

Sorry for the late weigh-in update, I've been so busy. Well I lie I haven't been that busy but I've just not had the chance to pick my laptop up. I gained half a pound at weigh in on Monday, don't get me wrong I was gutted but half a pound isn't the end of the world plus I felt really bloated. It also means I'm now 1.5lb away from my 9.5st award. I'm hoping having doing a week of red days I'll be the proud owner of my next award on Monday, fingers crossed! I didn't go to the gym last Sunday either after having 2 hours sleep I really wasn't in the mood for it but we are going this Saturday instead.
I went to watch Guardians of the Galaxy on Tuesday with Ashley, it was so bloody good! I want my very own Rocket and Groot! I'm going to watch Inbetweeners 2 tomorrow (Friday) with Lydia, it's going to be nice to interact with another girl for once as I think it's about time I made some friends.

I'm not going to Ashley's until midnight Friday because he's going to a gig so I have the full day to enjoy myself :D I went to Morrisons today with those £5 vouchers they put in the paper, my mum and little brother had one too so we got £15's worth of fruit for next to nothing! I also got 4 more papers to use at Ashley's over the weekend ha ha.

I had my last session at 42nd street today, it was quite sad because my support worker is amazing she's helped me so much. It was just filling in forms and talking, it's amazing to see how far I've come. I went there in May 2012 with no hope of ever getting out of the dark hole I was in but I now feel I've come out of it all a stronger person and I'm ready to take on anything life throws at me. I'm so proud of myself, I've learnt that I'm not a horrible person, my feelings do matter and when people say horrible things to me they are not true and I shouldn't start believing that they are. I did that for far too long and that was the reason I had no confidence.

I hope you all have had a great week and all your weigh in's are kind. Have a great weekend!

I finally have some sort of confidence, wow.

 

So lately I seem to have found some confidence, it's strange because it's something I've never had before. I was unaware of this confidence until I tried a dress on in George (Asda) and decided I will wear it without tights and I did just that! I also purchased a pair of shorts, but not so confident to wear them yet but I will eventually, I did wear them to weigh in on Monday night though. I think the fact I'm finally able to go out now and I'm at the point where I think 'why should I care about what other people think about me?' is just crazy. I was forever hiding, staying in doors away from 'the big bad world' because I was so scared of all the negativity going on in my life. I remember when I had lost 3st on Slimming World, fair enough I was still really big but when I had people still shouting horrible comments from their car windows it really knocked me back and the confidence I was gaining from doing so well took a back seat. Today I went food shopping with my mum and we called into the newsagents to put the lottery on first and the man that owns the shop is lovely he always smiles at me and says hello but today he actually said to me "You've lost a lot of weight and you have such a beautiful face and figure now" not only did I go bright red but I felt so good about myself because somebody had been paying attention to me that didn't even know me but he had seen how much I have lost and when I told him that I have lost nearly 9 and a half stone he said "That's amazing". It's little things like that, that make me much happier going out now because it shows that people aren't always going to throw negative comments at me anymore and I'm learning that it is okay to accept compliments no matter how much I doubt myself. I still go red when Ashley says something nice to me, I'm not very good at accepting compliments because they are new to me. People on Instagram are wonderful confidence boosters, I don't mean that to sound pig headed (I apologise if it does) but when people leave me such lovely comments on my pictures it makes me feel good about myself because it's positive stuff and not negative stuff. I'm finally getting somewhere now, this wasn't just a journey to change the way I looked but it was also a journey to help with my mental state. I think I'm doing rather well with that too.

My anxiety has been terrible for as long as I can remember and on Tuesday evening it got tested quite a lot. Myself and Ashley went to watch the new planet of the apes film and a group of young boys sat behind us, they made me angry all the way through the film which probably contributed to me not enjoying the film. They were making noises, throwing popcorn and the most irritating thing of them all kicking my chair. I could feel my chest getting tight and I knew I was going to have a panic attack but I sat and slowed my breathing I thought about getting up and walking out so many times but I didn't. That was the first time I have ever been able to control my panic attacks, I was still very shaky when we left the cinema and then I explained it to Ashley who of course kept apologising like a sausage but it wasn't his fault we were sat in front of silly immature boys. I have so much to thank Ashley for, if it wasn't for him my mental state would still be so bad. I've managed to do so much and be so happy because of him. I don't know where I'd be without him now but I know I never want to find that out.

I lost 1lb at weigh in on Monday which of course was going to happen because I was 2lb away from my next award. It always happens when I'm so close, so hopefully I'll have that next Monday. We have exactly 4 weeks until Leeds Fest now and I want to be in my 13's by then as I know that I'm not going to be able to make the best choices when I'm there but I want to be able to enjoy myself and then get back on track after it. I'm not going to be so strict on myself because this is the first festival I've ever been to and I want to enjoy myself without worrying about what I'm eating and drinking.

This week I'm going to do 2 days extra easy and 4 days red just to mix it up a little, plus I'm going to the gym Sunday night with Ashley. Hopefully Monday will be the bearer of good news!

I hope you all have a fantastic week and have amazing losses!

Will I finally get my next award?

So it's almost Monday and I'm only 2lb away from next award. I've done another week on the Original plan (Red days), I'm hoping that it's helped me get that 2lb so I can finally have my next award as I really want to be closer to the next stone bracket too. I so badly want to see the 13's, the amount of sweating I've done this week because of the sunshine should help also! I have done a lot of sun worshiping this week, the weather has been incredible. I've burnt quite a lot! Hoping I will have some form of tan in the next few days .. who am I kidding I never tan. The rain has currently made an appearance to cool the place down but I'm hoping Mr Sunshine will make an appearance again tomorrow. Ashley will be here tomorrow too once he's finished work which I'm really looking forward to. Nothing beats lots of cuddles, I've missed a hell of a lot. On Monday after weigh in we are going to the cinema to watch the new planet of the apes film, we was planning on seeing guardians of the galaxy but I then realised it's actually not out until Thursday, oops. So that's a next week job! On Tuesday we are taking a Slimming World picnic to Southport Beach, really looking forward to that too! Hopefully we will have good weather.

The puppies are now 3 weeks old and are trying to walk, this is where the fun begins!

I hope you all have had a great week and are enjoying the beautiful weather.

I now officially swear by the original plan.

Red days clearly work, I think being on the Extra Easy plan since the start had become comfort for my body so it didn't care how much rice, potatoes, pasta etc I was consuming. This meant I'd eat as much as I wanted because it was free food and I'd end up eating that much that I'd be bloated and possibly gain weight. I've missed having them sometimes but it hasn't bothered me to the point where I've caved. Red days are having a positive out come for me, I no longer feel bloated and crappy! Best of all I've not been gaining either. I've trialed two weeks on the original plan and I've had good losses both weeks. At weigh in tonight I lost 2.5lb which makes me now 14st 6lb, I'm 2lb away from my 9.5 stone award! I'm so excited. I'm doing another week of red days to help me get it next week! Keep your fingers firmly crossed for me.

I had an amazing weekend! Saturday me and Ashley went to our first ever Comic Con! We waited for 2 hours in the pouring down rain to get inside and we were soaked from head to toe but it was all worth it once inside! I've never seen anything like it, so many awesome costumes/stalls! The atmosphere was incredible. Next time I'm dressing up! I will go as an Adventure Time character. I purchased quite a few Adventure Time bits including 5 prints for my wall. On Sunday we decided to take a unplanned trip to the cinema to watch 'How to train your dragon 2' it was amazing! I loved it just as much as I loved the first one. I was so happy that it wasn't a flop as the first one was so awesome. I felt like a child all the way through I was letting out 'WOW' 'WOAHHH' 'AWWWWW' 'NOO' and at one point I even cried :'( I won't put any spoilers in but yes I cried at an animated film, it's not the first time and it won't be the last!

Counseling on Thursday then I only have one more appointment after that then I'm done with it forever (hopefully). Then my new life starts in September. I'm feeling all kinds of emotions about it! Happy, scared, nervous, excited but I'm going to make sure I enjoy my experience at college this time. I don't want to be put into the situation I was in last time. Being picked on at school then having to go through it again at college. I want this time to have a positive effect on me and not a negative.

I hope you all have a fab week and the scales are kind!