I'm back, I promise.

Hello beautiful people.

I've not been great at posting on here, I never find the time but I find the time to post on my facebook page and instagram so I am now going to make a great effort of posting on here a lot again. Since my last post I have been on two holidays, Croatia and Amsterdam. I have gained 1st 1lb and lost 8.5lb of it. I have had an anniversary, and I've also been at my job a year now! Life's been pretty hectic, I'm always super tired due to commitments with GCSE Maths and now ICT lessons on top of college work, learning to drive and spending what time I can with Ashley. It's hard work, but I'm kind of managing it all as well as I possibly can. I've been very militant with losing weight as we are quickly creeping up to christmas, WHERE HAS THIS YEAR GONE?! I want to get my 12st award back by Christmas and I'm 3.5lb away from doing that. 12st award I hear you shout?! Yes, since my last post I think it was towards the end of July I picked up my 12st award then ruined it all by going on a holiday of a life time. I have no regrets just lots of amazing memories. I can honestly say I'm quite happy at the minute about myself, other things not so happy but they will all pan out eventually.

I've decided that this blog isn't just going to be me wittering on now, I'm going to reviews of things I find. Little hauls and companies I've grown very fond of since joining Slimming World such as Spicentice and Skinny Bakery. Also places I find that are super friendly for us Slimming Worlders when we eat out, because lets face it we don't get much choice do we?! It's currently half term so I'm trying to cram so much gym in and college work as I possibly can. I smashed the gym yesterday so after a walk to Asda I shall be smashing some college work! Then gym tomorrow and Thursday. I am off for 2 weeks so going to make them count.

Again, sorry I've been so rubbish with blogging. I am back now though, pinky promise.
Becky.

Hello blogger my old friend.

I'm quite excited to write this post as I haven't been active on my blog for nearly a year! Sorry it's been so long but I've been active on my instagram and facebook page so you'll have been able to keep up to date there. Last time I posted I was waiting on my DBS check to come through to start my new job.. I'm now at my second job! It didn't work out at the other place, it was amazing but so far to travel and the job role wasn't right for me especially as I wanted to climb up the ladder. I'm currently working towards my level 3 and hoping that when I eventually move to live with Ashley (yes we are still together 3 years next month!!) I'm going to attempt uni so I can work in schools. I've a long road a head of me but I'll get there.

I am currently 2lb away from receiving my 12 stone award at slimming world. I was hoping for target at Christmas last year but I messed about eating what I wanted when I wanted even when I didn't want it. I currently weight 11st 13lb which I'm absolutely over the moon about because I can't remember the last time I weighed that. I'm also now a member of the gym since December 2015! I haven't cancelled my membership yet either haha. I'm really enjoying it, it gives me head space. I'm hoping since it's my birthday next weekend that monday will be the day I get my next award, so keep everything crossed for me. I also wear skirts and dresses lately sometimes without tights! I'm off to Dubrovnik in August too for a week away with Ashley (our first holiday abroad together) I'm so excited to tan my pasty skin and explore a beautiful country where game of thrones is filmed!!!

Hope you all are well.

From a very bad slimming worlder.

I haven't posted in a while, well since before my birthday which was last month. My heart hasn't been in it, Slimming World took a back seat. I've gained quite a bit of weight, after my birthday I'd gained 7lb. Monday 6th July I lost 2.5lb of that but then decided to eat what I like all week again so I think that's going to cause another large gain according to my scales at home it's another 7lber. So that's a whopping 11.5lb to lose to get back to where I was before going off the rails. It's happened I'm not going to cry about it, it's made me very determined to get back on plan and lose it all again. Life happens and at the moment I'm so very happy. I had my first job interview a couple of weeks ago and I got the job! I'm going to be doing what I love, working with children. I'm actually a nursery nurse now! It's an amazing feeling. My life seems to be moving forward instead of backwards. I can now start saving to do amazing things with Ashley without worrying that I won't have the money. I'll be able to treat him to things instead of him treating me. I can learn to drive, then purchase my own car! It's so exciting. I've spent the last 10 days with Ashley we celebrated our 2 year anniversary on the 8th July which was lovely. It's lovely to know I'm obviously worth having around if he's stayed this long, I'm a very lucky lady.

I did the race for life 5k yesterday (12th July) and I ran! It took me 56 minutes but I did it. I have raised £74 plus £16.25 in gift aids so far if you would like to donate my just giving link is http://www.justgiving.com/beckyhodgson91 every little helps! After doing it I felt really good so I've decided to register for Park Run every Saturday morning they do a 5K in Heaton Park so I'll be doing that along side Ashley when he comes to my house so it will probably be every 2 weeks. I must be mad haha.

I rang my college this morning to see how my portfolio has done (all my assignments through out the year) and I've passed the course. They are keeping hold of my folder until the end of September though as mine has been chosen to be looked at by the IV people I think the lady said. She asked on the phone if I'd like to progress onto the next level and I told her I had got a job with Bright Horizons the company that came into speak to us and she got ever so excited! The best part was I didn't even know who I was speaking to on the phone as my tutor isn't there now haha.

So yeah that's been me since the last post! I'm going to get weighed tonight suck it up and start again. I hope you all have a great week. I'm waiting for Mr Postman to deliver my DBS check then I can start my job!

X

Birthday week and goals!

So I may not have reached my birthday goal of losing 12st I was asking alot of myself really. But... I have now lost 11st 4.5lb I have 2.5lb to lose for my 11 and half stone award. It's my birthday tomorrow so I've been off plan since Monday night not going to lie I'm not feeling guilty about it and ive probably got a hefty gain a head of me but I'm enjoying myself. I'm not at slimming world on Monday so I've a week to get myself a small gain or maintain :) its been so lovely spending so much time with Ashley as it doesn't happen often. I'm writing this blog whilst quite intoxicated haha absolut vodka raspberry flavour is incredible! I can't wait to be back on plan but I deserve to enjoy myself once in a while. I hope you are all having a great week!

Remember why you started.

When I first started my blog I did explain my story, for those that really can't be bothered going back to the beginning (I don't really blame you) here it is..

                         

I'd been unhappy for a very long time, I'd also battled with my weight for a very long time. I think the last time I was slim I was 5 years old. I was a chunky child, an over weight teenager and a very over weight adult. Food was my comfort blanket, I enjoyed it until it made me feel sick. I hated going shopping for clothes as I dreaded in the changing rooms looking at myself in the mirror. I remember when prom came around at high school and my mum took me to Evans to buy me a dress (I never wore dresses) and the only ones that fitted me were the ones your grandma would wear. I stood and looked at myself in the mirror and I got really upset. I took it off and refused to try on any more dresses. I ended up going to prom in a pair of white cotton trousers and a baggy tunic top, whilst all the other girls looked beautiful in their prom dresses. I was miserable, I finished school and went to college I was picked on throughout college for 2 years. People said it was because I was too nice, I don't see how being nice is a problem but clearly to those girls it was. I was picked on in school so to have to deal with it again in college made life hell. Who'd have thought girls could be so cruel? When I finished college I went into a deep dark depression, I shut everybody off. Anxiety hit me like a tonne of bricks, I wouldn't leave the house, I was snappy, I comfort ate and I self harmed. My life was out of control, I didn't feel like it was my life anymore. The depression and anxiety destroyed every last piece of me. I had a boyfriend that cheated on me, I stayed with him even though I didn't want to because I thought nobody would ever love me or want me. It took me a while but in June 2012 I decided to get rid of him and cut him out of my life, even though that meant all the awful looks I get off his family members now (I don't think he told them what he did). In July 2012 I decided I didn't want to be fat anymore I wanted to feel good and I wanted some happiness so with the support of my mum I joined slimming world. I was so so scared but I will never ever look back, it's changed my life and I've gained so much from it. In July 2013 a year after I joined I met Ashley who I've been with for nearly 2 years, finally somebody who actually loved me and wasn't going to hurt me. The bond we have is beautiful, I couldn't ask for anybody more perfect. He's loyal, supportive, kind and beautiful inside and out. You could say life is pretty good now, after being inside the house for 5 years I'm doing well. I do have panics still when going out and I do worry about what other people think but it's not as scary as I thought. I went back to college and I'm almost finished, I'm hoping to have a job next year doing something I love and I am passionate about. I'm 1lb away from losing 11st, I never in a million years thought I'd lose 1st let alone 11.

Don't give up, don't make excuses, if I can do it so can you! 

It's been a while.

I've not posted in nearly a month *slaps wrist*. I've been so busy with college work etc and worrying about my maths. I've not got my 11st award yet, I'm 1lb away from doing so (although I was half a pound away). My body is being stupid and it sucks. I've been put onto the pill because well lets just saying nothing was helping me if you think bleeding once a month is a fucker try bleeding constantly for months! It sucks I tell you. I'm hoping everything will settle down eventually and the pill is my saviour but it needs time to work, so only time will tell. I've had a lot going on lately, I failed my first attempt at my exam for functional skills level 2 maths and I resit it next week. I've been doing a lot of test papers that Ashley kindly printed off for me, so I'm hoping all that has helped. I also after 10 months of avoiding the dentist got my mum to ring them this morning (I'm shit scared of them) I was meant to go and have my teeth cleaned again 10 months ago but avoided it but now I have to go for a check up next Wednesday because I haven't been in so long. Don't worry I still brush my teeth every day and use mouth wash I'm not a hillbilly with one tooth, I just lack in the flossing department so the Dentist person will tell me off for that. I avoided going for so long because my anxiety to was so bad and the dentist would have finished me off so surely they will understand that. Also, I took Luna to the vets last Thursday to be told she is blind in one eye, she's not even 3 years old and has cataracts in her left eye. I was heartbroken to say the least especially as the vet said if the drops she has been put on don't help the inflammation and soreness of the eye then she will have to have removed. As somebody that loves their dog more than anything in the world it's such a horrible thing to know. So all I can do is cuddle her as much as she can bare and sooth her eye with eye drops (they seem to be helping so far).

So yeah that's been my life in a nutshell for the past couple of weeks. I've also spent the last 9 days with Ashley which has been wonderful. I can't wait for us to have our place together because it sucks spending so much time together then having to wait a week to see him again. Roll on Sunday!

Hope you all have a great week and are doing well.

Things I want to be able to do now I'm not nearly 24 stone.

So today I've been thinking about all the things I want to be able to do now I don't weigh nearly 24 stone. My weight has held me back for far too long, I want to be out there, I want to do things that I've stopped my self from doing because I've been so scared.

So here is my list -

• I want to go to a theme park and go on rides without being scared that I won't fit. The last time I went to a theme park I couldn't fit through the railings to get onto rides I had to climb over. Not only is it embarrassing it's also scary when the bar is digging into your stomach and you feel like it's going to burst open. Me and Ashley are hopefully going to Alton Towers in June to overcome my fears.
• I want to go on holiday in the sunshine and not worry about having to cover up. I want to be able to wear shorts and strappy tops without being judged because I'm massive. 
• I want to be able to eat food in public and not worry that people are looking at me and thinking I'm a fat bitch just because I'm eating.
• I want to be able to start running, I can only run for one minute on the treadmill but I'm sure I'd be able to build on that gradually. 
• I want to meet the lovely people I've met on instagram and not feel worried they will judge me. I know I've met a couple already but I want to meet more! I've made some really good friends.
• I want to make more friends, friends are something I've found all my life very hard to make and keep. I always feel like a burden, hence why I spend all of my time with my mum or Ashley. The truth is I don't really have any friends. Well I do but non that I see or go out and do stuff with.
• I want to experiment with clothes, I need a new wardrobe. I also need to rob a bank in order to do so haha.
• I want to learn how to swim, yes I can't swim. I'm afraid, not just of swimming but of wearing a swim suit. This will take a long time yet.
• I eventually don't want to worry about my weight, I want to be happy and content with the way I look. I want to feel like I'm worthy of being with Ashley, I want to look good for him. Every girl wants to feel sexy right? I couldn't be sexy if I tried. 

Not all of these things can be done at once, but eventually I want to be able to say I've done it!